Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Vinepedia brings you : Nigganese!

Ok. The question why do chinkies and nigga’s sound alike when they speak has arisen for the fearsome sounding Mr. SHAMAN. I’ve taken a lot of time to research on this topic to answer this question. I consulted vinepedia for my research.

First of all, did you know that Chinese and blacks actually are actually from the same racial decent? Yes they are. They were called the Nigganese. Which is Sanskrit for ‘We rule basketball!’

Yeap. Even back then, they were already working on gene streaming for the NBA dominant monsters that are Yao Ming and Kobe Bryant!

Anyway, back on topic. They were the most developed empire in their hay day. In fact, they were the first to develop nuclear power; which was their ultimate downfall. In the capital of their empire ‘Ikidyounot’, they had a major crisis when their main supply of nuclear power had a meltdown.

This killed hundreds of thousands of Nigganese. But their blood was strong and they survived it. But the split occurred here as the race took to two different methods to cleanse the nuclear contamination.

One halve, turned to dipping themselves in hot tea to detoxify the poison from nuclear meltdown. They used boiling tea and put it into a barrel. Then they soaked themselves in the tea until the barrel overflowed with their sweat and tea. This effectively tea stained their skins and they became yellow.

The other halve, turn to the sun as their source of detoxification. A similar process, the focus being on sweating out the toxins. However, they performed insane amounts of exercise in the hot boiling sun instead of dipping themselves in tea. Through this process, they became super athletic and muscular. However, they spent so much time in the sun that they were burnt charcoal black.

The yellow people also began to eat everything and anything that could be eaten. From tiger dicks to porcupines. This effectively poisoned them and stunted their growth. Which is why they aren’t as big as their black counterparts.

The blacks where as only took beer and fried chicken. Which is the dream meal for growing muscles. We ALL know BEER is GOOD for you. So the next time you look at a black guy’s muscles and feel envious… the solution is simple… drown yourself in beer.

The final stages of the split came in their renaming themselves from their original race, Nigganese. The yellow counterparts began practicing kung fu as a way of life. At first, they wanted to called themselves, ‘I-practice-kungfu-and-will-kiss-your-sorry-ass-nese’ but that was too long. Since they mastered the art of chi, they simplified it and became the Chi – nese.

The black dudes where as suffered severe brain damage from over exercising and the hot sun and lost 80% of their IQ. So they decided to simplify the name from Nigganese to simply ‘nigga’.

There you have it. The REAL reason and HISTORY behind the chinks and nigga’s speaking alike. They were actually one people until the nuclear meltdown. So you Chinese and Niggas, remember your roots and stop killing each other to sell drugs to stupid white kids. Peace!


ShaMan said...

Yo, Vince my man!
well, going through your quite expla-fucked-up-nation was a relief since it much remind me of a famous dude of mine, Chris Rock, who always rocks while taking the stage of gibberish which recently possessed an immense nominal change into "talk shows!"
Anyway, I really enjoyed your deep diggin' clarifyin' pose towards how my darker fellas can be rooted back to silkier "chinkies", as you called them!

Peace! (don't read it like the chinkies' horribly funny accent, though!!!) ;)

yours truly fel said...

were you drunk when you wrote this?

it makes good sense though. in a weird way. rofl. I'm still not buying it, though! haha

Vince said...

why do peeps keep thinking I'm drunk when I write this...

when I'm drunk I write emo crap... not funny crap :p