LDR stuff... I miss you so bad...

long time no post? =)

sry... jus not been in the mood to write...
edit: wa lao... emo crap.... not having this in my blog = =

heres the song I'm talking about


Hello...
Can you hear me
Am I getting through to you

Hello...
Is it late there
Is there laughter on the line
Are you sure youre there alone
Cuz im
Trying to explain
Somethings wrong
You just dont sound the same

Why dont you
Why dont you
Go outside
Go outside

Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever Im gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
Were under the same sky
And the nights
As empty for me as for you
If you feel
You cant wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Hello...
Do you miss me
I hear you say you do
But not the way Im missing you

Whats new
Hows the weather
Is it stormy where you are
You sound so close but it feels like youre so far
Oh would it mean anything
If you knew
What Im left imagining
In my mind
My mind
Would you go
Would you go

Kiss the rain

As you fall
Over me
Think of me
Think of me
Think of me
Only me
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever Im gone too long
If your lips
Feel hungry and tempted
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
Were under the same sky
And the nights
As empty for me as for you
If you feel you cant wait till morning
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

(kiss the rain)
(kiss the rain)
(kiss the rain)

Hello...
Can you hear me
Can you hear me
Can you hear me

What are you made of?

Pinky asked me to read her blog a few hours ago... so I was pretty curious. She rarely tells me when she updates her blog. So I figured it should be interesting.

this is her post:

made.

We are all made out of something. As cliche that might sound

Some of us are made out of gold, richer than most

Some of us are made out of diamond, more precious than others

Some of us are made out of glass, a little sharp yet fragile

Some of us are made out of metal, hardy but mouldable

Some of us are made out of love, wearing the heart at the sleeves and fingers.

Some of us are made out of lights, brighter than the moonlight

Do you know what you are made out of?

so what am I made of?

super interesting question. So I did what I normally do when I'm deep in thought. (no not have a beer... sigh... some impressions of you, you never really get to shake off I guess.) I had a ciggy and talked to suki!

Ok la. Not talked to her. More like talked at her. As it was, I had to bribe the lil mutt to listen to me. She had jus woken up from her all day nap and was way hyper-active. So I had to give her some innitiave to sit and listen. Voila la 'greenie'. (its a green colored treat you twits... not a booger!)

At first the thoughts that came to me about what I'm made of were pretty... well... depressing. Words like 'broken glass', 'disappointment', 'broken dreams' sprang to mine immediately. I wanted one specific word for it. And those words didn't encompass who I was completely. These words were just too negative.

I was also 'talented' (yea! honest!) 'blessed' (with great friends and an amazing brother and mother) 'intelligent' (compared to most of the morons in the world... thats not really saying much!). But these words were WAY too positive and didn't depict me in the entirety.

So I dug deeper.

Three greenies and a very happy pup later, I found the word I wanted.

I'm am made of 'masks'.

This is true for most people, I guess. But it applies to me in many ways that only my close friends and family will understand.

I keep my secrets jealously (when I'm not pissed drunk!). I smile when I don't feel like smiling. Pretend to be sad when I feel merely numb. I've laughed and joked when I jus felt like falling apart. The list goes on and on really.

Without going into too much personal details and revealing more than I care to in this blog, I can't really say much more.

Lets jus say in many ways I've always been a social and emotional chameleon. Not many have seen my true colors. There has always been a mask or two in the way.

So yea Pinky. I'm made of 'masks'. You know me better than most people. Do you think the word fits me? :)

Fantasy Writer vs What REALLY happened....

Fantasy Writers perspective:

Armed with nothing but a wooden staff, our hero stumbled in the darkness. Cold sweat streamed down his face.Around him, the scent of rotting meat and smoke swirled in the air. Suppressing the shiver down his spine, he took another step forward and stopped before the door. Beyond this death awaited.

Fear gripped him and threaten to overwhelm him. His thoughts drifted to his brother, once a proud strong man; now a mewling wreak locked in his quarters. He had faced the beast earlier and it had left its mark on him. Would he meet the same fate?

He gripped the wooden staff more firmly.

He looked to his side. His loyal hunting hound. Suki. Here was a hound a warrior would be proud to have walk by him anytime. He strengthened his resolved and prepared to face the monster. 'To live in fear, is to die a little everyday,' he told himself.

He swung the door open. Scanning the surroundings, he did not have to look hard to spot the monster. Its eyes were red. He could see the twin white fangs portruding from its maw. Suki growled deeply, sensing danger. Her fur stood on its ends and she began to shake in fear from the beasts overwhelming aura of evil. Finally the fear overtook her notions of loyalty and love for her master and she fled; tail between her legs.

He did not notice the flight of his loyal hound. His mind was focused only on one thing. Survival. Screaming a battle cry, he ran at the monster with his wooden staff.

Panicked by the sudden fearlessness of our hero, and startled by the anger in his voice, the creature fled into the night. After all creatures of darkness live on the fear of others. When that is absent, it finds the same gnawing poison biting into its own hearts.

His lands safe once again. The hero had triumphed. Both over his inner fears and the beast of the night.



What REALLY happened:

I was holding a bloody broom. Walking in the darkness cause me n my bro have been too bloody lazy to change the kitchen light fuse.

My bro had been cleaning the bathroom downstairs and while he was doing it, he had seen a mouse. Freaked out, the bugger slammed the toilet door shut, and ran upstairs. Then he told me to go get rid of the damn thing.

Man... I freaking hate rats and mice. And I mean SERIOUSLY hate! They make my skin freakin crawl okay! But I had to protect my lil bro and suki.

Ok... fine. That's not the truth. My bro bribed me with free dinner, a pack of ciggies and a bottle of 100 plus! STFU! DUN JUDGE ME! (lol)

So armed with a broom and with suki at my side, we went to the kitchen. I closed off the kitchen door in case the bugger ran further into the house and shut the book room door. Then I braced myself and opened the toilet door.

The foul smell I was talking about was from the rubbish in the toilet. My bro and I always adhered to the theory, 'Out of sight... out of mind!'. Until the smell gets so bad we can't bear it. :P

Any way, there the lil bugger was! Chomping on my mom's potpourri. Suki growled a little at the mouse. Then when the mouse took a step toward her, her REAL instincts kicked in. She ran like the wind upstairs! ISH! So much for loyalty! So much for hunting dog! So much for a man's best friend!

So I took my broom, and poked the lil bugger with the end of it. And shouted like hell at it. The fella obviously didn't like being poked or shouted at, and ran outside the door I had left open.

The hero *cough* I mean... *I* had survived my encounter with the blasted vermin.

*shifty eyes*

I jus hope the bugger doesn't come back for revenge!!!

LOL

Dude is too Super Cool for his Traffic Ticket

ahah... this is a super cool video! :D

of religion, love and a puppy named suki

In the 28 years of my life, I have seen people touched by religions; each of them, in their own subtle and different ways.

I'm not one to complain... (oh wait... I am! :P) but I've not had an easy life. Please don't give me the whole lecture about starving and dying children in Africa. Of people who have harsher lives than I. I never claimed to have the SHITTIEST life, merely a relatively shitty life! So put it to rest already.

I have problems believing in things that I can touch and see, let alone being able to put faith in a entity you have to put blind faith into. Quite childishly, I have often questioned: 'if there is a God, then fuck him... cause he has fucked me over again and again... (and I didn't even get to cum!)

So when people talk of religion, I earnestly avoid the topic. As the saying goes, never talk politics and religion with friends; if you want to keep them friends. But I can't help but watch with a fascination when people embrace religion the way it is meant to be embraced; with faith, love and no ulterior motives.

I know this was not with the case with my mother. If I have had a shitty life, I don't quite know the adjective that would describe hers. She embraced religion alright... several of them! Don't get me wrong, I love my mother to death. And she is a STRONG woman to have survived all that has happened to her in her life. Yet I cannot help but feel a little cynical towards her sudden offerings to the temples and churches.

Religion was indeed was a crutch. Or so I believed.

I have been lucky enough to fall in love twice in my not so young life. Both the women were devout in their religions.

My first love and experience with religion came when I was but 16ish years old. A little too young to contemplate anything except for the miracles of the female body and the stupors that alcohol and drugs induced. She did not preach her religion to me. In fact we rarely spoke of it. And believe me, we spoke VERY often back then.

I can still remember the mock disgust one of our friend had at the fact my first love and I spent so much time together, be it physically together or just on the phone. 'You're like a Yin Yang pair of retarded Siamese Twins,' she had said. Even now the not so flattering comparison brings a chuckle. But that is beside the point. The times that my first love and I did speak of it has always stuck to my mind. Mostly it was about her aunt going overseas on escapes.

As we grew older, we broke up but remained friends. Reasonably close friends I'd like to think. She went through some bad times and struggled to strive ahead of them. Yet, rather than testing the limits of her beliefs, it seemed to strengthen her beliefs. I recall her saying once to me, as we talked about the not so pleasant things in life, 'no matter what happens, I have my faith and my beliefs. Nothing will change or alter that. Well, not that much any way!'

She had chuckled and smiled then, but the conviction in her eyes spoke volumes.

I had almost believed then.

The second time I fell in love was with a daughter of two pastors. Not two of the same-sexed pastors obviously! But I think that would have made an interesting twist don't you?

She was a lot younger than I was. (any snickers or paedophile comments will be thoroughly ignored!)

And unlike my first love, she preached to me incessantly. Not in a threatening or nasty sort of way like if-you-don't-believe-you-will-burn-in-hell-you-sinner kind of way. Hers was out of love, both for me and for her religious beliefs. Perhaps 'preach' is too harsh a word to use. Rather, she 'shared' with me.

We would talk of it often and her eyes would fill with wonder and overwhelming love as she spoke. She talked of forgiveness, sharing, understanding, acceptance, love and many other wonderful things that religion could bring to a person. But the one thing that really reached to me was when she told me, 慖t can bring you peace of mind, hun.?I'll admit now, it was a rather attractive thought.

I'd smile and nod, then not so subtly change the topic to something less thought provoking. Her eyes would mist over then and she say, 'I'm so sad. I wish you would come to know His love like I do.' Then she'd hug me and nestle her head against my chest, as if listening closely to my heart to find out how she could melt the ice and warm it with the love of God. Wow. I can't believe I wrote that line. Someone call the corny police please!

I wanted desperately to understand how she felt. I even went to church for the first time in 16 years. But nothing vaguely resembling enlightenment or love for God touched me. In fact, the super cheerful singing and dancing to hymn disturbed me to no end!

But I wanted to believe.

I watched a lady I've known since I was 7, dying of cancer, find faith and strength in the comfort of Christ. At first I thought her a desperate fool, grasping at straws for a miraculous cure for her ailment; or perhaps the promise of afterlife a crutch for her to make the thought of leaving the world of the flesh less frightening.

As I spoke to her, I realised there was a transformation from who she was when she first discovered the fatal illness growing within her body. She was not trying to deny her fate. She was not trying to avoid it anymore. She had accepted it whole heartedly and was making the best of the time that was left to her and her family together. The power of her belief gave her the ability to cope; no, more than cope; to accept that death was approaching. To take a step back and realise that while time was short, it was the quality of time she had left that mattered. Not the quantity.

And for a little while, I believed.

If religion and God indeed did not exist, it should. For it is a beautiful ideal and dream. It makes people, in general (please let's not talk about extremist morons), strive to be noble and better; to do good things in life. It gives you strength to take that step forward when you just want to hug your knees and cry yourself to death. It brings hope when there might be close to none. Besides, what is life without dreams?

Sadly, I'm still not a believer. But these people have made me look at religion differently and who knows?

One day that might change.

Now you've read all this crap and looked forward to the puppy?part of this rambling, haven't you? Well here is it. Suki's snoring contentedly at my feet.

And I BELIEVE it is time to join her.

Well a man's gotta believe in SOMETHING doesn't he?

Cheers.
Vince

Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Moving on...

I'm a compulsive sentimental. I keep just about everything and anything that reminds me about some one I've had feelings for. Mostly they are old emails. Pictures. Things that I made for them on adobe photoshop. Small things like that.

I've keep some emails for more than 12 years! So that gives you an idea of how attached I am to these little things. Not that I read them often. I read them once in a blue moon when I'm in a mood to take a trip to the past. Ok la! When I'm feeling emo :)

Today. I deleted them all! 300+ emails. From all my accounts. I deleted pictures and the stuff I made too. At first I was a little sad. There was a horrible feeling of emptiness looking at the empty screen and empty folders.

Then, slowly but surely, a feeling of... freedom crept in. I thought about all the relationships that I've been in. So far most of them started out like a script from a blockbuster Hollywood movie. Then ended like a B grade horror movie.

I thought about burning the items that I kept from my past relationships too. Once this was a ritual for me after each break up... I'd burn everything I owned from them, or return them. Then I thought, its not so bad keeping SOME memories... at least I when I tell my children and grand children I had my share of gf's in my youth... there would be proof :)

At the age of 28... I finally cut ties with my past relationships... and I think... I just think... the next one might... yea... might... just work out differently...


Here's to the future... and whatever it may hold. The past is dead. And most importantly... now forgotten. :)

Get well por por

since the time
your ankles were all
that I could see

since the time
I had my first tooth
and tried to nibble on your finger

since the time
you patted me
till i fell asleep on your lap

since the time
you caned me
for jumping on your sofas

since the time
you dabbed dettol
on my grazed elbows

since the time
you scrubbed my knees with soap
only to watch them turn brown again when I straightened them

since the time
you stood protectively in front of me
when dad was hitting me

since the time
you complained
I was way too scrawny

since the time
you forced fed me
fish porridge you had spent hours cooking

since the time
you fell out with mom
and talked with the picture of your late husband for hours

since the time
I first saw you cry
when we went overseas for 4 years

since the time
I broke up with my first serious girlfriend
and you told me it would be alright

since the time
you told me in cantonese and english
'Girls nowadays, no money no fuck!'

Since the time
I earned my first pay cheque
and you were so proud

Since the time
I drove u around
in my first very own car

Since the time
you were so happy I put on some weight
then on closer inspection told me I was getting too fat

Since the time
you'd talk to me for hours and hours
and repeat yourself but I'd never mind

Since the time
you told me
I'm getting old... come see me more often when you have time

Since the time
you asked me to buy you
lou pak siew kai (colonel sanders : kfc) when I visit you

Since the time
we spent together
in the innocence of my infancy
to the decadence of my teens
to the troubled late twenties

Since that time
I have loved you po po
and I always will

and I realised
that I will never truely lose you

since that time
and until the end
you will be close to my heart

The fake Malaysia by Gen Wong :)

Written by one of my favorite people in the world :)

Its a pretty good piece if you ask me :p

Is where I wake up in the morning and go to work and sweat it out at the gym and party and sleep at night. It’s where I can get my tall skinny hazelnut latte to go between the waking up and getting to work bits, usually after I’ve parked my Japanese-brand car under the tree in the carpark next to the ultra-plush, Skybar-housing hotel.

It’s where I hang out on the weekend, browsing the shelves of Borders for American Glamour, seeing the latest blockbuster (usually American, too) and maybe do some grocery shopping, checking off my list as I go – Waitrose Columbian ground coffee, bacon rashers, Jif peanut butter, Gardenia bread, McVities Digestives… (see the trend…?)

It’s where I have pork knuckle for dinner with a bunch of friends and we reminisce about those mad/crazy uni days in London/Nottingham/Melbourne/Boulder and all around us in the restaurant I hear funnily-accented English from people who look exactly like I do (i.e. Chinese) and I never have to use the national language.

Sometimes, it’s where I have a brush with the real Malaysia.

Like when the movie I see on the weekend is half-an-hour shorter than I swore it should be. It’s where I have to uncomfortably stammer my way through a conversation (which usually takes place over a counter) to renew my driving license, buy stamps, try to find out why my TM landline’s been suddenly cut off.

It’s where people who criticise our government are labelled ‘seditious’ and ‘a threat to national security’ and inexplicably find themselves (himself?) in Kamunting. Like, where the HELL is Kamunting??

It’s where the price of petrol yo-yos faster than we can say, ‘wonder what the government’s up to now…?’ in an OIL-PRODUCING country and cigarettes are damn cheap (I mean, what’s up with that??!!)

It’s where I don’t feel safe to walk around at night in the streets 2 minutes from my apartment complex ‘cos the police can’t be trusted to do their job. For that matter, neither can our fire department or our judges or our public school teachers or our government doctors and nurses… (I really could go on...)

It’s where I am treated as a second-class citizen, because my parents are not Malay and I don’t want any children I may have to grow up – better to grow up in a different country and be given more rights than you would have had in your OWN. Thank goodness I live in the fake one...

I xxxx'ed a girl!

I was listening to RED FM today whilst on the way to get my bro some KFC. They played 'I kissed a girl'; the censored version!

It was hilarious okay!

They censored most of the word 'kissed' so it sounded like this : 'I xxxx'ed a girl.. and I liked it!'

Well who wouldn't xxxx a girl and like it la!

The stupid censorship made the song sound even more sexually provocative than it already did. Not an easy task to accomplish let me tell you that!

As l listened more on, I realised that they left the 'keh' sound uncensored.

So instead of a sexually charged song... it was a song where u could charge the singer with battery. Cause it sounded like 'I keh'ed a girl' as in 'I kicked a girl'.

So lets get this straight you censorship people! A girl kissing another girl is wrong... but physically abusing another girl with kicks is better?

Malaysia... Malaysia... *shakes head*

More words of wisdom from JH

Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - said:
siann!!

Venom says:
go perform harakiri =P

Venom says:
it will help u to burn time for a while =)

Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
o__O

Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
i perform on u can ah

Venom says:
cannot..can only be perform on self

Venom says:
performing harakiri on urself is call harakiri..but performing harakiri on others is call murder liao different

Venom says:
haha

Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
LOL

rambling with JH ^__^

Venom says:
malay way of conning people damn fail wan

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
lol

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
if they were better at it

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
the indians wud be fucked la

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
dah la kena con by chinese

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
now malays too??

Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
HAI LAT WEI!


and yes! I am racist!er I mean... NO! I'm NOT RACIST!

Charlie bit my finger - again !

this is soooo cuteee :D

10cc - I'm Not in Love

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love
I'm not in love

heh... more emo music... but this song really fits the mood I'm in right now :)

sigh

I've been in love with you
for the longest time
speech has no meaning
nor word and rhyme

but I will still stand away
far away from you
because I know
I cannot be true

You know me
like no other has
Fromy my broke present
to my sad sad past

No matter what I'd like
no matter how I feel
This feelings
just can't be real

I can't make you happy
and that is the reality
So I'll live my life
in promsicuity

No one happiness
No children for me
The fates just
don't allow that to be

If l love you more
and hated myself less
I'd be less scared
to give you my best

So you'll remain
My smile
My moment
My happiness for a while

But I'll never
hurt you
by telling you
I love you

Fingering 101

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it Is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth." Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

Daddy

He sat down on the bench sipping a cola. He smiled as he watched his dog run zig zags around the open park chasing sparrows.

'She's having fun,' allowing himself a rare smile.

The sun blazed down on his skin, warming away the numbness he always felt. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. The long sleeve sweater he was wearing made him, well, sweat. His brown hair glistened in the sunlight.

Suki ran towards him and put her forelegs on his lap, barking enthusiasthicly.

'Oh, so you DO remember me! I thought you were having so much fun you'd forgotten,' he chided Suki.

She jumped onto his lap and licked his face very seriously. Well as seriously as a dog could.

'Oh, feeling guilty now are we! It's fine sweetie. Go run. I know you like it,' he hugged her close then let put her on the floor. She took a last glance at him, barked, and ran to continue her game of catch with the sparrows.

Suddenly heard Suki barking excitedly.

'She must have seen someone with ice cream,' he turned to look. Then, he forgot to breathe.

Her hair was longer now. It fell all the way down to her waist. Her smile, so familiar yet so foreign at the same time, made him choke.

'Suki! Suki! How are you girl? Where's your daddy?' she laughed.

He felt like running away.

'What will I do about Suki? Maybe if I hide, she'll leave after awhile.'

He sighed and walked towards her.

'Hey Mel. Been a while.'

'Hey! Suki's grown so much! And she still recognises me!' she said between barks from a very happy Suki.

'Of course she recognises you. We bought her together after all. She remember when you used to play with her as a puppy four years ago.She remembers the people she loves.'

'You've lost weight. And you've not been sleeping. Look at your eyebags!' she said eyeing him critically while she walked towards him.

'It's just your imagination,' he tried to smile.

She wrapped her arms around him suddenly.

'H..heyyy... what you doing?' he stammered.

'I've missed you. Its so good to see you again. You never called'

He felt every muscle of his body tense and relax all at the same time. The scent of her hair filled his mind, taking him back years ago. He didn't realise it but he was holding her tightly, as if he was afraid she'd disappear.

They stood like that for a while. Suki sensed something very intimate and sat down quietly, watching them. For the whole of two minutes. A life time for an enthusiastic dog. Then, she jumped excitedly on both of them, knocking them to the floor. Right where their faces were accessible for the love she wanted to show them. Love had never been so.... wet; doggy drool wet.

Mel laughed and tried to fend off a very happy Suki.

Lying on the floor he grumbled, 'This was my best sweater. Now I've got dog drool and sand all over it. NO DINNER FOR YOU SUKI!'

'Hey! She's a pu..'

'...ppy. She's 4 years old now. She's HARDLY a puppy.'

'So what? She's young at heart!'

'Good that you mentioned the heart. She's gotten so fat I'd better put her on a diet in case she gets heart problems. Cholesterol you know.'

'Hey! No! She's not fat... she's just... bi...'

'...big boned. Rosie O Donnell is big boned. Suki's fat.'

'Thats mean! She's just nice to hug,' she pouted and hugged Suki who was blissfully unaware that her meal rationing was being debated.

'People are staring at us. Lets get up,' he whispered to her.

'Since when did you care what people thought of you?' she countered.

'True. The sky's really blue today.'

'Yea.'

'Have you moved on yet?' she asked, turning to look at him seriously.

He stared into her eyes. He could never lie to her when she looked at him like that.

'In my own way, I have.'

'You're not answering the question.'

'You're thinking too much into it.'

'I still love you,' she whispered.

He turned to look at her. For a second she could see all the pain and hurt in his grey eyes. He looked haunted.

'I'm sorry. I'm married now.'

'You will always be my first love. Nothing that happened will change that.'

'But it did happen. And that changes everything,' he whispered sadly.

She pulled his arm towards him, lifting the sleeve. He winced at the pain. His arm was covered with cuts and cigarrette burns.

'Punishing yourself won't change what happened that night.'

'It's the least I can do.'

He was about to answer her, when a small voice rang, 'Mummy why are you on the floor? Are you sick?'

'Hi there sweetie. Whatcha doing here?' Mel asked but her son's attention was focused else where.

'Mummy? Can I take her home with us? She likes me.' he giggled as Suki licked his face.

'No honey. We can't do that. The poor man here will be lonely without her.'

The boy stopped and looked at the man. His grey eyes serious for a second.

'Then let's take him home with us too,' he said brightly.

He laughed when the child said that.

'He's a smart kid, Mel.'

'He takes after his father,' she smiled.

The words stung when she said that but he smiled anyway.

'Mommy pleaseeee? Can we take the nice man and the doggie home with us?' he pleaded.

'No honey, his mummy would be sad if we did that. She loves this man and the doggie very much.'

'Oh.' he said disappointedly. Then with the brilliance of a three year old, he asked, 'Then can I have some ice cream instead?'

She laughed and ruffled his brown hair. 'Well, I've got to go. Almost time for dinner. His daddy's waiting for us.'

The boy looked up quizzically. 'Daddy?'

Mel lifted the boy up and kissed his cheek. 'Call me some time. I'll be waiting.'

'Mel...' His tongue went numb. The words he wanted to say died in his throat.'Be safe.' he whispered.

'I love you too. And you too Suki darling!' She smiled at him one last time. 'You can't change the past no matter how much you want to.'

'Yes, but I can atone for it.'

Her eyes soften and misted over. 'Its not just you that's hurting for this atonement. You haven't the faintest idea what you're missing.'

Then she walked away.

He closed his eyes. And he saw it all.

He could see Mel laughing next to him in the car. It was raining.

'Honey, don't drive so fast. It's raining. It's dangerous,' she had said.

'We're late for the tailor appointment. You do want your handsome fiancee to look even more dashing than he already does in his suit, don't you?'

'No I don't. All the ladies will be waiting to snatch you the minute I turn my back.'

'I wouldn't leave you for the second hottest woman in the world,' he smiled.

'The second? What about the first?' she asked sternly.

'Well, I'd have to seriously think about that. I mean she is THE hottest woman in the world. A man could get tempted you know.'

'Then I'll give you reason not to...' she said, leaning in to kiss him deeply in the lips.

He kissed her back. Then turned back to look at the road in front of him. Too late.

He jammed his brakes, but the floor was too wet. The car hit the child crossing the road with a sickening crunch sending the child flying. The child was dead before landing.

Tears came to his eyes. 'I don't deserve to be happy.'

He had left Mel that day. Never wanting to be happy again. He canceled the wedding. He gave up on his life.

Elsewhere, a child's curiosity was piqued.

'Mommy. I don't have a daddy. Did you get me one?'

'Sure you have a daddy, honey,' she said kissing his cheek.

'I've never seen him. Doesn't he love me?' the little boy asked; feeling hurt. Tears welled up in his eyes and he began to cry.

'He would love you. He will love you. You have his eyes and his hair. You look just like him,' she said, soothing him.

'Mommy. Was that man my daddy?' he voiced his realisation.

She was quiet for a while.

'Yes.'

cold feet 2

‘What’s the answer to the question?’ the teacher asked.

‘I don’t know,’ he replied.

‘Now, now, you got the top score for the Sciences in the Midlands in that last module. How can you not know?’ she chided mildly.

‘Someone mixed the scores up.’

‘Give it a try; for the rest of the classes’ benefit.’

He got up and walked towards the teacher.

‘Ask someone else to do it. I’m leaving.’

‘Class just started! Where are you going?’ she exclaimed.

‘Out,’ he said shortly and closed the door behind himself.

‘There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!’ Anne exclaimed.

‘What’s up? I was just about to leave.’

‘It’s your kid brother. He got into a fight!’ she blurted out.

‘What? Where is he now?’

Anne shuddered looking at him. His handsome face was a mask of fury waiting to explode.

‘He’s in the principal’s office.’

‘Who did he fight with?’

‘That 3rd year. Laurence. Black kid,’ she replied quickly.

‘Where is he now?’ he whispered.

‘In the nurse’s office… but its not what you think…’

‘Thank you.’

‘Wait! You haven’t heard the full story!’ She sighed as she watched him walk briskly towards the nurse’s office. ‘He never changes.’


He slammed the door open. He was about to shout the 3rd year students name; then he saw his face. He took a step back in surprise. The kid’s face was pretty messed up. His nose was bleeding and his right eye was swollen shut.

He grabbed the kid by his collar and dragged him out of the room.

‘Where are you taking him? I’m not done treating him yet,’ the nurse said.

‘For a chat. It won’t take long.’

‘Fuck you. Let me go you fucking wanker.’ Laurence squealed. His voice breaking with panic.

He pushed Laurence against the wall and lifted him to his eye level.

‘If you or your friends come near my kid brother again, I will kill you. Repeat what I just said.’

His right hand flicked the butter fly knife open and rested it squarely at Laurence’s throat.

‘If… if… I go near your kid brother again… you’ll… you’ll… kil… kill me,’ he stammered.

‘Do you think I’m bluffing?’

‘No sir. But you’ve got the wrong idea. It was him that…’ he started.

‘I don’t need to listen to your crap. Remember what I said,’ he said coldly. Then he casually backhanded Laurence and sent him flying into a chair.

He walked towards the office to look for his brother.

‘So, Jules. I saw the pretty face you left behind for me. Wanna tell me what it was about, lad?’ he asked his brother.

‘He tried to take my lunch money from me…’ he started.

‘So you beat the crap out of him?’

‘More or less. He wasn’t so smug when I clocked him one in nose.’

‘Do you feel better beating up someone weaker than you, lad?

‘He’s bigger than me, koh.’

‘He’s got a big brother too you know. I’ll have to talk to him later.’
‘Just talk?’

‘Yes. Just talk. Violence begets violence, lad. Look at your old man. Do you really want to turn out like him?’

‘I want to be like you, koh,’ he smiled.

‘You don’t want to be me. Be yourself. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you. I don’t want to ever hear you say that again.’

‘But…’

‘No buts… no ifs… this is the way it will be. And that’s the way it is. Understand, lad?’ he smiled as he said it, easing the brunt of the force he spoke the words with.

‘Okay, koh.’

‘There’s a good lad,’ he smiled broader and kiss his brother on the cheek.

‘Oh… by the way…’

‘Yea, koh?’

‘Nice right hook. I think you broke his nose,’ he smiled again.

‘It was a left hook. I’m left handed remember?’

‘Right. All the geniuses are eh lad? Study hard. It’s your ticket out of here. Don’t forget that.’

‘What about you, koh?’ Jules asked.

‘I belong here. You deserve to be somewhere better,’ he turned around and started walking away.

‘Koh!’

‘Yes, lad?’

‘I’ll take you with me. I won’t leave you. You’ve always taken care of me. I owe you that much!’ he gushed.

‘Silly lad. I didn’t do it for that.’ His smile widened. Then, there was a twinkle in his eye. ‘Besides, I can’t let anyone else but me, pick on my favourite roly poly.’

‘I won’t leave you, koh.’

‘I hope you’re wrong, lad. I hope you’re wrong…’ he patted his brother on the shoulder and walked away.

‘I was looking for you. But it looks like someone else found you before I did. Someone bigger and stronger by the looks of it,’ Ryan chuckled.

‘Yea. With a wrench. You think I look bad? You should see him,’ he replied with a smile.

‘Your kid brother beat the crap out of mine. How are we gonna even up on that score?’ Ryan asked.

‘I’ll leave him be. And you’ll leave my brother and me alone.’

‘That easy?’

‘We can fight if you really feel its necessary,’ he said blandly and waved his hand.

Six Asians came into view from a distance. They were all wearing the Nottingham University jersey.

‘Oh you brought friends too!’ Ryan laughed and gave a sharp whistle.

A dozen well muscled black kids walked up beside Ryan.

‘I see I’m not as popular as you are. But it’s who knows you not who you know that matters.’

‘Are you casting doubt on the quality of my entourage? Your skinny yellow kids aren’t going to do you much help. Don’t matter how old they are,’ Ryan hissed.

‘So you beat me up today. Put me in hospital. I’ll recover and find you the next day. The difference is: I won’t put you in hospital. I’ll kill you.’ He reached into his pocket and flicked the butterfly knife between his fingers.

‘That’s a nice butterfly you have there. Can I have a look at it?’

He threw the butterfly knife at Ryan who caught it deftly.

‘Whoah! Easy there! I could have gotten cut! This thing’s bloody sharp,’ Ryan complained.

‘You’ll need it.’ As he spoke a large group of white kids with baseball bats came into view from behind the trees.

‘I’m more popular than I think.’

POSSE :D

One day the Lone ranger is out riding the rage on his horse, Silver. Silver was an incredibly smart horse. However later that day they were ambushed by Indians.

Bound and helpless the Indian Chief walked up and spoke to the Lone ranger:-You very brave, so before we kill you,we give you 3 wishes, one a day for 3 days, when done, you die. You make first wish.

The Lone ranger considers and says-For my first wish, I want to speak with my horse.A bit offended that their gift was taken so frivolously they reluctantly agree and the Lone ranger moves next to Silver strokes his noes and whispers into the horses ear.When finished Silver tosses up his head and gallops off. This confuses the Indians until Silver returned with a very long haired red headed beautiful woman stark naked in his saddle.

At this the Indian's chuckle -White man want last night with woman.

The next morning the Chief appears in front of the Lone Ranger:-What Wish number 2?

Again the Lone ranger says-I wish to speak to my Horse.

Now curious the Indian's grant this, and again the Lone ranger gently strokes Silver's nose and whispers into the horse's ear. As soon as he finishes Silver again gallops off.Now the Indians wait to see what the horse will return with. Sure enough near sunset, Silver returns with a gorgeous naked black haired woman in his saddle.The Indians are a bit insulted that this brave man seems to have only one thought on his mind.

The final morning the chief again approaches the Lone ranger-What want for 3rd wish?

Again the Lone ranger says-I wish to speak with my horse.

Having been thru this twice before the Indians bring Silver over, only this time the Lone Ranger grabs the horses bridle, looks the fore RIGHT in the eye and says-For the last time POSSE! P*O*S*S*E! POSSE!

Suki

All too often, we get caught up with the gloom of daily life and we forget about the little things that make us happy. That make us smile. Well, mine's not exactly little. She's quite big boned. And obviously she's female from the fact I'm calling her 'she'. She's got soft fur. Yes. Fur. Not hair? Do I look like I'm getting any damn you? :)

• Suki
• Suki pao
• Fei Por
• Pup-pup-puppehhh
• Suki Darling
• Sweetie

She has more pet names than me in our family. In fact the only pet name I have is... never mind that. :p


So heres a few times my little sweetie's made me smile.

My chest is heavy

I was sleeping on night (wait or was it morning? I'm a vampire after all) and it felt really hard to breathe. My chest felt really heavy. So I woke up, dreading that I had smoked to much and came down with some kind of stupid lung infection. Then I saw her.

30 pounds of sleeping puppy on my chest. Snoring.

I scold her: 'Suki! Bad girl!'

She wakes up. Looks at me. Wags her tail. And goes back to sleep promptly.

Since when did 'Bad girl' equate to wagging the tail!


High class puppy
I was having insomania (yes as usual) and on the computer. Normally she sleeps at my feet if my brother is not around or on my brothers bed when he's sleeping. I look at my feet. She's not there. So I go to my brother's room. She's not there!

So I go into my mom's room. I had switched the air conditioning on early so that when I finally did sleep I'd have a nice cool room. Guess what. There she was. Right in the middle of my mom's bed. Snoring. With all four paws in the air. Sleeping like a human.


Shelf climber
I was on the computer (when am I not on the computer?) and suddenly I hear whining. I can hear the whining but can't seem to find where Suki is. So I look around the room. Under my table. Under my bed. In my cupboard? No way!

I open my cupboard to see a very fat puppy squashed into a very small cabinet. She had knocked out all my clothes and made herself comfy in the top shelf. Only problem was: She didn't know how to get down.

So I carry her down and put her on the floor. She is eternally grateful and licks me as a reward. Five minutes later she is on the top shelf again! This goes on for about 40 minutes until it finally struck me to close the cupboard. (yea I'm slow... bite me!) I figured she was just bored and wanted me to pay her some attention.

I told my brother that she'd climbed to the top shelf by herself. He didn't believe me. HELL I DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. So I opened the cupboard and wait patiently. True enough she falls for the bait. I holler for my brother and he comes to see that she's stuck on the top shelf! HAH! Drugs didn't make me delusional.

Later on we figured out why she was climbing the shelf. Her favorite toy teddy was on top of the shelf. So she was trying to get to it. But I still think it was her way of attention whoring with me. *shrug*


Racist puppy

Yea you heard me. My puppy is racist. I brought her to the burger stall to buy some burgers ( why else would you go to a burger stall? *rolls eyes). There was a Chinese girl, a indian uncle and the two malay chaps cooking the burgers.

Indian uncle: Wow... pretty dog... *pets Suki*

*Suki wags her tail at the praise and licks his hand*

Chinese girl: Wah! So cute leh! *pets Suki*

*Suki wags her tail at the praise and licks her hand*

Malay dude: Comel ya anjing engkau *shakes Suki's head*

*Suki bites the crap out of his hand*

I was lucky Suki doesn't really bite that hard. It was more of a warning bite I guess. But the dude was asking for it la. Treating her so roughly.

Now when I told my brother about the puppy not liking Malays, he did exactly what I had planned to do. He gave Suki two treats.

I wonder where she gets her racism from ;)


Fat Dog run... Fat man run too

Ok. Heres a story about how I got some exercise for the first time in months (years?). My brother came home and I just got out of the shower. So I wrap my towel around my self and bring Suki downstairs to greet him.

Only thing is. When I go downstairs I don't see my brother. So I open the door and go out to check if he's outside. Normally Suki comes outside with me and goes all barmy when she see's my brother. Herein lies the problem.

My brother had ran upstairs to the loo as he had the runs... thus the running? Nvm that. Anyway, he was in such a rush that he left the gate open. I notice it ONLY after I let Suki walk out with me.

I look at the open gate.

Suki looks at the open gate.

I say: 'Don't even think about it Suki'.

Suki thinks about it.

Suki does a brave heart run : 'FOR FREEDOM!!!!'

I do a Spongebob meets Speedy Gonzales and run after her.


I did catch her... after streaking half my street with my flabby brown ass and my little... er... forget that.

Suki of course thinks its all a game and wags her tail excitedly when I catch her and licks the living daylights out of my face.

Two hands on dog.

What was holding the towel?

*shudder*


ok... so that last story wasn't true ;)

but hey... spongebob meets speedy gonzales was such an amazing concept I just HAD to make it up.

later peoples :)

Numb

Its 4am and I still can't sleep. So I thought I'd share something with all two of the readers of this blog. :)

What is the worst feeling in this world? I don't mean just bad feelings. I mean the absolute worst feeling that you can ever feel.

Some people will say getting your heart broken. Other people will say losing. To me the worst feeling in the world is feeling numb.

Broken hearts can be healed. You're not always a loser (unless your name starts with a Q and ends with a h... shush Eunice... dont give away the secret)

These things are in passing and you will get over them sooner or later.

But what is it like to feel absolutely numb. No happiness. No sadness. You're just a blank page with nothing written on it.

You stay awake, trying to figure out what is wrong. Your friends try to comfort you. Your family stands a firm pillar of support. And yet, you feel nothing. No motivation. No goals. Nothing.

You can't cry because you can't feel anything. You can't laugh because you don't enjoy anything. Smiling is a facade you put on so people don't worry about you.

You sit down in the mirror and look at yourself. You're indifferent to how you look.

Then you feel the sweet bite of the razor on your soft skin and you shiver. There is something that you still feel. Pain. It is bliss compared to the emptiness that is your life.

You live life to breathe and find some reason to be alive. You don't actually live. You just exist.

Is it really worth living like this?

I don't know. But I haven't a choice. I have more friends than I deserve. And a family that loves me more than I am worth.

So I'll pick up the pieces of my life. And I will live.

Maybe one day. I will feel alive.


Dance on my skin;
silver blades of emotion.
Slither slowly,
and do not pause.
Let the crimson tears
weep for the eyes
that do not know how to.
Graft the meaning
of life.
A reason to live.
Cut away the emptiness
and send shivers of emotion
into my spineless spine.
Rip into my mind
and make me feel
anything
something

but

numb.

the ward

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how doyou determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. 'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

''Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

''No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

Bad news for Fabulously Rich (or richer) People!

So you’re fabulously rich. Or is fabulous an understatement? Well, here at r2r we’ve been doing a little research about people like you. Guess what? We’ve found your Achilles heel! Here are the top 5 things you don’t want to hear when you’re swimming in the big bucks!

I want a divorce!
When you’re rolling in the moolah, the last thing you want is a gold digging little twit to marry you, only to divorce you in a few months for a fat divorce settlement. Look at poor Mr Rupert Murdoch. He lost 1.7 billion USD to his wife in June 1999. That enough to feed several starving African nations! (Well not really… but you get the idea!)

It’s YOUR baby!
Nothing says bye bye to money quite like someone claiming to have your baby! You’re now officially in charge of the well being of a child due to one night of hide the salami with a random stranger. Way to go!

Daddy, I’m in rehab!
This is like a trend amongst the brats *cough* children of rich people. Daddy (or mommy) I’m in rehab. I have so much money I just had to do drugs and alcohol cause nothing else is fun! If alcohol and drugs aren’t expensive enough for you, the repeated bills for rehab will put a small dent in your over sized wallet.

The stock market just crashed!
The stock market crashing often leads to other types of crashing for rich people. Rich people crashing their cars into very unmovable walls. People crashing out of windows from very very tall buildings. People crashing some money of other people to pay debts? Ok, the last one was pushing it but I have a word limit to meet!

We found your sex tape in the motel!
Paris Hilton anyone? Ashanti? Chua Soi Lek? Okay, so you guys don’t know the last one. Rich people don’t care about the welfare of the country. But my point is, the last thing you want splashed all over the papers is your little bondage session with your pet bunny (not the animal, the costume). This stuff can ruin lives… and cost you a bunch of money buying all the pirated DVD’s of it being distributed!

So there you have it! The top 5 things you don’t want to hear when you’re swimming in the moolah! Now keep your nose clean and stay away from these big no no’s! Don’t say we didn’t warn you first here at r2r!

play poem

You're more than just food to me
a hamburger? A french fry
When you're not around
I get so hungry, I cry and cry

I love you so much because
you taste so good and smell nice
but it would be even better
if I could put the blood in some cold ice

Its not just the food
I say again
When I'm sad,
you take away the pain

When I'm happy
you make me smile
just by being there
all the while

I'm in love with you
you're my Happy Meal
Sizzling steak, nasi lemak
you're my lover, the whole deal

and I love you

Bad day

Today was a bad day.

1) I overslept for class
2) I lost my wallet
3) I can't sleep
4) I'm thinking about deferring a semester

I just have one more month to go. Then I am free. Yet the month seems like a giant leap of faith that I cannot handle.

I have to get back into a working frame of mind.... falling apart at the end of a race just won't do.


Won't you come back
and say its all a lie
Won't you hold me close
And kiss me while I cry

I tried running
through the dark empty
I tried crawling
as far as I could see

I tried to be normal
and not just myself
I tried to write a book
A put my name on the shelf

I'm stuck
Won't you help me?
I'm lost
Won't you save me?

I tried to live with
with out you
I tried to forget
the world without you

I lived to see you
I lived to love you
Now you're gone
I just don't know what to do

I tried to move on
from where I had been
But the world means nothing
With out you Low Sher Lynn

Eunice Koe

I love thee
eunice koe
although your a
bitchy little hoe

you call me fat
and say I can't touch my toes
you bitch and complain
about what god only knows

you say I look
just like my stuff monkey
and my sense of humor
wouldn't please a stuff donkey

you complain and complain
that I'm so damn emo
some times you even ask
if I'm a homo...

but you make me smile
like no one has
you cheer me up
from the start to the last

you touch my heart
in your special way
when you're kind
in your own simple way

you make me feel whole
when everythings broken down
just by being there
by being around

if I could choose who
I could fall in love with
I'd choose you
and not regret a single bit

I heart you very much
Eunice Koe
I'm writing this
just so you'll know :)

I know I'm supposed to have quit writing and all... but I wrote this... which is nothing spectucular... for Eunice Koe... who has kept me sane through this maddening times... who has kept me in one piece... when I was about to fall apart into a million pieces...

I love you Eunice Koe...

BFF

*hugs*

last script

There was a loud smashing sound as the vase shattered to pieces after being hit by a baseball. The two children huddled together in fear. Then he staggered into the room. 'Who did this?' he thundered.

The younger brother began to cry.

'It was me', the elder boy said, staring straight into his eyes.

'Don't you dare glare at me like that. I beat the insolence out of you.' he said. 'Kneel there and don't move,' he said, walking to get his weapons.

The younger brother began to cry even harder now.

The elder boy moved towards his brother. 'There's nothing to worry about. He doesn't know it was you. Go to your room. There's nothing for you to see here.'

'He... he...he's going to hurt you.'

'He'll try to. But I'm tough right! I won't utter a squeak. Cause it doesn't hurt. Just watch and see. Now go to your room.'

The man came back. He smelt of cheap liqour. 'Choose,' he nodded at his hands. They were carrying a wrench, a cane and a belt.'

'Give me the wrench.' he said coldly.

'Why the wrench?'

'Because fuck you. Thats why the wrench.'

The alcohol rushed to the man's head. And he lifted the wrench, and smashed it viciously into the boy's face. He built up a frenzy of hits on the boy's body. Striking what ever was closest with all his might. Then he watched the boy go limp. Unconscious.

The younger boy had not left, he was peekin from between the curtains. Too afraid to move. Too afraid to help his older brother. He wept silently. His brother had kept his word. He hadn't made a single cry of pain through the brutal beating he received.

Then the man turned to look at him. His shadow overpowering him. 'Don't grow up to be a loser like your older brother. Look what he made me do? I've got blood on my best shirt. It was you he was trying to protect was it?'

'No... No...It wasn't me! I didn't mean it!' cried the younger boy.

Then chose. Wrench. Belt. Cane. Choose one.

No.. No.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo... I DON'T WANT TO!

'Nooo... nooo... please... not that...'

'Wake up Jules. Wake up. Its just a bad dream. You're okay now. I'm with you.'

'Koh! I had that dream again. He was beating you. And beating you. I thought you were dead.'

'I'm still alive. Sore here and there. But alive.'

The elder brothers face was bruised badly. His left eye swollen shut. His nose had been broken and still dripped blood.

'Koh... we should run away... leave that man... he's evil...'

'We can't Jules. He's our father. And we can't leave mom with him.'

'Get dressed. We have to go to school. We'll miss the bus if we are late.'

Julian quickly packed up his school books and got dressed.

'I'm ready Koh.'

'Silly boy, you tied the knot for your tie to fat!'

'I'm just using the one you tied for me yesterday! Its not MY fault you don't know how to tie a tie!'

'You little roly poly, how dare you talk back to your big brother!' he lifted his younger brother into a hug and kissed his cheeks. 'You're gonna grow up to be a little heart breaker you know. That is if you ever lose that baby fat!'

'I'm not the one with the fucked up face. Baby fat or not everyone things I'm cute! I might even get laid before you do koh!'

'Little cats and dogs don't count when you get laid Ju,' he patted his brothers head affectionately.
'What ever Koh... Lets go.'

'Ok. You wait for the bus. I'll start walking.'

'Walking? Why are you walking?'

'Dad didn't give us enough money for two fares. I'll just use the money for food instead of the bus. Don't worry its not that far.'

'I'll walk with you.'

'No you WON'T. These streets aren't safe. I can't protect both myself and worry about you.' saying that he walked past his younger brother towards the dimly lit streets ahead.


'Well... well... Look what the cat dragged in. Nasty cat by looks of it. Did your face in good mate.' a tall white kid said.

He had noticed them following him 15 minutes ago. Maybe he jus didn't care. Maybe he wanted to fight them. Whatever his reasons were, he was surrounded by 6 white teenagers.

'What do you want Steven? I've got no time to play with you and your little pets.' he said.

'Uncourteous. Most Uncourteous. We're here to help you. Fix that guy who fixed your face so pretty.'

'Very unlikely. Hilarious in fact. Enough of the stand up comedy. What do you want?

'To pay you back. I know you boned Louisa. She was my girl. You had no right to.'

'You've got it all wrong. I didn't bone her. She boned me,' he chuckled.

'You bastard... get hi...'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you. Baseball bats are nice and all. But they lack a certain class.' He reached into his pocket and drew out a butterfly knife.

'How do you fancy it? Getting gutted is a slow but painful way to die. So you break a few bones of mine. I'll make sure you never see another morning sunrise. I'll make sure your faces are even uglier than they already are. Or maybe you'll scar well. Claim to be some war veteran. I hear the chicks really dig that.

'There's six of us and one of you.'

'So which of the six want me to paint them a new face?'

'Fuck you... this isn't over yet. Watch you back. I'm coming for you.'

'Don't fall over yourselves running away from little old me maties. Would hate to see any of you get hurt!' he smirked.

'Man... you..' he choked on his words as the butterfly knife whistled inches away from his jugular and stopped.

'Mate are you CRAZY? You could have KILLED me!

'I know. I'm regretting it already.'

'Thats not funny! Anyway you never change. Scaring off 6 white boys with one tiny shiny knife.'

'The very same knife that had you pissing your pant a few seconds ago.'

'Why did you try to stab me with that damn thing any way... we're cool aren't we?'

'Because you're an idiot. You snuck up behind me. I was just trying to protect myself'.

I think its time to call it a day :)

I've been pondering on this for the longest time now. Talked to eunice about it for quite a while. I also had a long talk with my long time bestie Az about this. They made me realise alot of things. One of them is that I no longer want to write. Yes. I'm quiting writing. No more scripts. No more short stories. No more poetry. Why you ask?

You have to understand that writing has been my crutch for the past decade or so. When I was unable to voice or tell people how I felt. I turned to writing for release. Effectively it made me forget how to communicate my hurt... my happiness... my feelings... making me effectively a social vegetable...

I need to learn how to communicate with people aside from writing. I need to talk to people who are real. Not just internet friends. Most of all I need space to redefine myself as an individual. Reset my priorities now that writings no longer in my life.

Of course I'm not quiting writing for good. Maybe a year... or more... I don't know yet. Depends how fast I become a normal person again. Who can lean on friend the normal way for help. Who can talk about things openly.

Unless you guys have a better suggestion :)

then I'm all ears

Blowing your own trumpet : Prematurely... but who cares :p

Its quite rare that I have good news in my blog/life... but yet again I have some good news to share :D

Like my msn nick says... God's stopped pissing on me, *Stares at golden rainbow*...

Anyway... enough with the pessimism. This is something to be optimistic about :D... Lets start with a little story...

In early May, I was still struggling through my internship and feeling quite miserable for myself. Okay, okay. Feeling miserable for myself isn't a new thing. Its like my favorite past time. Bite me :p

Anyway the 'Emo Song Queen' messaged me about this open submission contest for short plays. She said I should try it out. So I checked it out and thought about it.

At first I didn't want to submit anything.

Read: Don't think my work is good enough.

After all it was an international event. Chances are every wannabe script writer would be submitting their work. Rejection I can handle... but what if they sent me a email laughing at my work.

So I was talking about it in a multi chat with Liann, Adrian and Mel. And told them about the submission thing. They kinda bullied me into submitting a piece for it. Mel is the major culprit. She gave me a long lecture about being confident about other people doing well but having no confidence in my own work.

So I thought about it some more. And on 22nd May, the night before submissions were closed, I submitted two of my best pieces. Imagine and Split.

There was no news for quite a while. And frankly I had forgotten about it. Then I received this email on the 16th of June:

Ok. So the dude got my name wrong. I'll forgive him. Haha. But seriously, when I got the email I was in class. At first I thought it was some random dude from my blog. Then, I realised that jerry1516@yahoo.com is not my blog email address. Then I thought it must be some gay dude trying to hit on me. In short, I didn't believe it cause I totally forgot about the submission.

Then I read the title of the email : Short and Sweet. Something clicked in my head and next thing I knew I was jumping with joy. My play's gonna be performed in KLPAC. I still can't believe it. Hehe.

I just wanna say thanks to Mel and Yelena. Cause I doubt I would have known about it if Yelena didn't tell me. Mel cause she gave me the courage to submit my work.

Oh... and sorry to Marcus for thinking he was a gay dude trying to pick me up!

If you want more details about the event click here.

Its running from the 6th of August to the 17 of August so be sure to come watch and give me some moral support!

Tickets aren't available yet but I'll update you when they are.

Cheers!

Poor People

Poor people: A definition (or in this case definitionS!)

Like all people, there are different types of poor people. Define poor people? Poor people are those that are economically challenged. Meaning that they can’t afford what they want to get. Or can’t afford to keep what they have. Don’t like the definition? Read some one else’s article!

Okay fine! Here’s a definition for you from dictionary.com:

Poor people

Noun
People without possessions or wealth.

Anyway, there are 6 types of poor people. Let’s take a look at them!

Poorus Saintus
These are poor people who can’t afford to get themselves anything at all but spend their entire lack of wealth, energy and time towards helping other people. Can you say Mother Theresa? These people are the epitome of sainthood and have one way tickets to heaven booked for them. If everyone was like these people, we’d have a terribly boringly perfect world. Heaven would be overpopulated and we’d have to expand it into hell, leaving some of these do-gooders with very Malaysian weather (panas la!)

Poorus Evilus
These people are the opposite of Poorus Saintus. They do whatever they like because they feel they are poor and have nothing to lose. Mostly these people do bad bad stuff. Hence the name: Poorus Evilus. Need a new watch? Rob the old man hobbling down the street with a cane who has a bright shiny new Rolex! Never mind if you beat him to death while robbing him! All poor people go to hell anyway; can’t afford the air conditioning in heaven.

Poorus Maximus
These guys are so poor that they make being poor a job. They beg or picket with signs saying ‘I’m poor. Gimmeh money!’. They’re too poor to print out a resume. Therefore they’re too poor to get a job. It’s not their fault! Honestly! With the price of petrol nowadays, everything is expensive; even 20 cents for printing a page of A4 paper.

Poorus Workusassoffinoffice
Poorus Workusassoffinoffice are the motivated and driven type of poor people. They work their butts off for that promotion. They camp and live in their offices, hoping to get that big break to move into big bucks and their dreams. Unfortunately, most of them never do realise their dreams. They’re not the son-in-law of the PM. They can’t afford to bribe for a position in the senior judiciary. All they have is their bodies. Assuming they have nice bodies that is! Even those have a sell before date. After 30, everything is saggy and nobody wants it any more!

Poorus Lazyuss
These guys are the opposite of Poorus Workusassoffinoffice. They’re poor and don’t care. They’re happy being poor and accept it. Well not that they accept it, they’re just too damn lazy to do anything about it except save up to buy the occasional lottery ticket and cross their fingers and toes that they win.

Poorus Chameleonsnus
Derived from the word chameleon, these guys are exactly that! Chameleons. They’re broke as hell but put the image that they’re rich out to the world. They own BMW’s and bungalows but eat a diet of salt and rice to even out things. To them, looking rich is good enough if they can’t actually be rich. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t really rich, as long as people THINK they are rich!

So what kind of poor person are you? How do I know you’re poor? Well, you’re reading a free magazine instead of making money. Definitely a poor person!

Stay tuned for next issue’s counterpart: ‘Rich buggers we all wish we were’. Over and out.

Why you should change your socks often

unless you REALLY don't like your pets :p

She left me

A young man is seen sitting at a bar drinking alone. Every now and then, he lets out a sob and begins weeping. He takes deep breaths and tries to control his unchecked emotions. He downs his drink, and signals the bartender for another one.

From a distance, two young men are watching him and whispering about his behaviour. They decide to approach him and cheer him up.


Mark: Hey buddy. Down on your luck?

Daniel: You might say that. I just had the worst day of my life.

Sam: What seems to be the problem? Oh wait! Before that! I’m Sam.

Mark: And I’m Mark.

Daniel: My name’s Daniel.

Mark: So what seems to be the problem bud? We noticed you were looking pretty down and thought we’d share a pint and some cheer with you.

Daniel: Mywife left me today. She..

Sam: Oh my God! The bitch!

Mark: She’s the one losing out. Don’t worry buddy! We have some great ideas for you to get back at her!

Daniel: Huh? Get back at her? But…

Sam: You still love her?

Daniel: Of course I do! I …

Mark: That’s no good.

Sam: No good at all!

Daniel: But she’s my wi…

Mark: Wife? Was she thinking about you while she was boning that other guy she left you for mate? I think not!

Sam: You gotta teach the woman a lesson mate. Show her who’s boss. You get what I mean?

Daniel: I think there’s a big misunderstanding here. My wife…

Sam: She left you didn’t she?

Daniel: Yes. But…

Mark: There’s no but’s and if’s about it buddy. Point is she left you. You should move on.

Sam: Yea. But have a little fun before you move on.

Daniel sighs.

Mark: First things first! You gotta pay her back. Sleep with her sister!

Sam: Yes! Bed her sister! That will really teach her!

Daniel: She doesn’t have a sister.

Sam: Her best friend? She’s got to have a best friend right!

Daniel: Yes. But…

Mark: Her best friend it is then. Have sex with her best friend. Tape it. Send it to her and sign it as: ‘Best friends should share everything!’

Sam: I like that! Best friends should share everything!

Sam and Mark laugh.

Daniel: Like I was trying to say. Her best friends a guy. A GAY guy!

Mark: Oh. So you swing that way too huh, buddy! I have no problems with it!

Sam: Me neither. It’s cool as long as you don’t grab my ass.

Daniel: I DON’T SWING THAT WAY.

Sam and Mark laugh.

Mark: Relax buddy. We’re just kidding. Chill a little. We’re just messing with you.

Daniel: Bartender! Three Jacks on the rocks if you please!

Mark: Ok. So shagging her best friends not an option. Has she packed her stuff from your place yet?
Daniel: No. She can’t…

Sam: Can’t summon the courage to come see you eh?

Mark: Yea. That happens a lot. A good thing for you too! There’s more stuff you can do in that case.

Sam: First of all. Collect all the bitch’s panties.

Daniel: What on earth for?

Sam: Listen to the master mate. Collect all her panties and buy several tubes of wasabi. Then rub wasabi into all her panties. Make sure you rub it in deep. So the stains aren’t so apparent.

Mark: So she’ll get a freaking hot reception when she puts her panties on!

Daniel: Oh my God! That’s freaking cruel!

Sam: Then get her little play things together!

Daniel: Play things?

Mark: Her dildos and vibrators!

Sam: Her love balls!

Mark: Then rub chilli padi into them carefully. Make sure you focus on the entire tip of the toy. So when she finally notices, it will be too late!

Sam: Yeap! Imagine this! She’s wanting to get all hot and sticky from a night of pleasuring herself…

Mark: And instead she gets all hot and spicy! Chili padi spicy mate! She’ll be screaming alright! For all the wrong reasons!

Daniel laughs.

Sam: Next go pick up all her skirts and get a pair of scissors.

Daniel: Cut them up into pieces?

Mark: That’s too boring. Everyone does that!

Sam: Yea! Instead of cutting them up into pieces, cut an arrow point right at her ass region!
Mark: Yup. Tell the world that her ass is a one way street open to every one!

Sam: And if you’re REALLY lucky she might not notice it and even wear them out!

Daniel: Haha. That would definitely be a Kodak moment!

Mark: Speaking of Kodak moments, do you have any naked pictures of her?

Daniel: Well…

Sam: I take that as a yes!

Mark: A definitely yes! You kinky bugger!

Daniel grins.

Mark: Choose the juiciest most obscene picture you have of her. Colour photocopy it and make loads of cards out of them. Then use her credit card to pay for roses and one card and send it to every male in her office.

Sam: I bet you they’ll never look at her the same again!

Daniel: That’s horrible mate!

Mark: Isn’t that the idea?

Daniel laughs

Daniel: True! What else can I do?

Mark: Do you have a savings account with her?

Daniel: Yes. A matter of fact I do.

Sam: Hire a bill board in the city. Have a picture of her in it and write this: ‘I’m leaving your cheating ass. Just so you know the money’s coming from your savings account, just like the trip to Hawaii!’

Mark: You could also make an advertisement for her in the dating section in the local paper. Make it hot and slutty and write her real name and phone number in the ad. She’ll be getting calls like crazy!

Daniel: Man. You guys have given this a lot of thought haven’t you!

Mark: Just for you matie!

Sam: Do you know her messenger passwords?

Daniel: Sure do!

Sam: Great! Log into her messenger for like a few hours and talk dirty to all her friends. Guys and girls alike!

Mark: Why stop at friends! Do the same with her family members too. Can you imagine the look on her fathers face when he reads: ‘Daddy, I’ve been a bad girl! Will you spank me?’

Daniel: He’ll probably have a heart attack!

Mark: Even better!

All three of them laugh.

Daniel: Well guys. Thanks a lot for cheering me up. Listening to your ideas was hilarious.

Sam: Sure thing mate! No problem! Maybe we can come here again for another drink next Sunday. We’ll hook you up with some babes!

Daniel: I can’t next Sunday.

Mark: Why not! Don’t be a kill joy! You a single and FREE man now!

Daniel: I have a funeral to attend.

Sam: Oh? Some relative died? Sorry to hear that mate.

Daniel: Yea. My wife did.

Mark and Sam: YOUR WIFE?

Daniel: Yea. She passed away from cancer this afternoon.

Mark: Oh dude! Why didn’t you say something?

Daniel: I tried to but you guys kept cutting me off. Any way it was a good laugh. Don’t worry about it.

Sam: I’m really sorry man.

Daniel: No problem guys. I’ll see you soon! Take care.

Daniel leaves.

Mark: That was embarrassing!

Sam: Damn straight it was!

Mark: At least we got some free whisky.

Sam: Yea.

Mark and Sam: IT’S ALL GOOD!

Mark and Sam laugh and continue drinking.

Dirty minds :)

Wherever you will go

Wherever You Will Go lyrics

So lately, I've been wonderin
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

[Chorus:]
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

[Chorus]
Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my loveI know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

[Chorus]
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go

Dreaming about the past

She groaned in her sleep. It was another restless night. Bad dreams had plagued her for the past ten years. Her phone beeped incessantly. She moaned and reached for her phone.

'One new message. James.'

'James?!'

She got up quickly. And fumbled with her phone trying to read the message.

'Do not reply this sms. I just wanted to tell you something. Remember how you said you would smile and be really happy the day I got published. Today is that day. So smile for me. Like you used to all the time. Be safe. James.'

'Be safe.... It used to be 'I love you',' she thought and felt her heart ache.

He was always so cold and he used to frown all the time. Except when he looked at me. When he looked at me his eyes would cloud over with warmth. Then he'd seem more human. Not so cold.

'I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to you. Just like this.' he had whispered in her ear one afternoon.

She smiled at him when he said that. But kept quiet. Later when she was alone, she cried . Tears of frustration.

'Hello?' she whispered.

'I told you not to reply the sms,' he said coldly.

'I didn't reply. I just called.'

'You're not getting away with this that easily,' he laughed and she relaxed.

'He's not angry,' she thought to herself.

'How are you?' he asked.

'I'm fine. Been better, been worse..' she replied.

'Thats my line. Not only do you disobey me, you steal my lines as well? You're hopeless,' he chided.

'What about you? How are you? Have you been looking after yourself?' she blurted all at once.

'What do you think?' there was an edge to his voice again.

'Drinking alot?' she added.

'Like a fish.' he said curtly.

'Why?' she said sadly. Knowing the answer before he said anything.

'Why do you think?' he countered.

'I'm sorry.' she said, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

'Don't be. I don't need your sympathy.'

'Its not sympathy. I just wished...' she left it hanging.

'That things could be different? That somehow they could work out?' he laughed coldly.

'Yea.' she said meekly.

He sighed deeply. 'If wishes were horses...' he started.

'I'd sell all them horses and buy some beer,' she ended for him.

'Something like that,' he said. She could feel his smile through the phone.

'Are you seeing anyone?' she asked suddenly.

'Its been ten years... I...' he choked.

'Is that a yes or a no?' she persisted.

'No.'

'Why not?' she asked.

'You know why,' he said.

'Because you still love me?' she pushed.

'I... I... I do.' he stammered.

'I have to go now.' she said. Tears flowing down her cheeks.

'We just started talking...' he pleaded.

'I know.'

There was an ackward silence for a while.

'Be safe.' he said simply.

'I love you too.' she said and hung up.

She looked at the ring on her finger. Sobs coming to her unchecked. Her baby, as if sensing her distress began to cry.

'What wrong honey? You woke the baby,' came a sleepy male voice.

'Nothing. I was just dreaming about the past.' she replied, wiping the tears from her eyes.

I'll be taking a short break from blogging

as you can tell from the recent posts... the heart just hasn't been in them... kinda pathethic emo stuff I've been writing...

theres a lot of things on my mind...

will I ever be able to lead a normal life?
will I ever be able to make some one else completely happy?
will I be safe to be around?
will I be a father one day?
will I be a good father?

where am I headed?
where am I going?

who is coming with me?

will I be okay?
will I be fine?

most importantly... will I ever be able to smile and mean it from the heart...

The hardest thing to say

Voiceless

Say something
you whisper to me
I look at you
and you're all that I see

Say it isn't true
you whisper to me
Say this isn't the way
it's meant to be

I look you in the eye
but I have nothing to say
No words to speak
to stop you from going away

I choke on syllables
the words won't come
I've lost my voice
and gone dumb

So many things to say
So many things to explain
I see you waiting to listen
Waiting in vain

I could pretend
I could lie
Rather than let
love fade away and die

I could pretend
I never did you wrong
That I was faithful to you
all along

But the words
just don't come
I've lost my voice
I've gone dumb

I stole comfort
in another's embrace
We did things
that were far from chaste

I kissed her
and thought nothing of you
I made love to her
as our passion grew

I held her close
like I've held you
I kissed her
like I've kissed you

I've wanted to tell you
to say something
That it was nothing more
than just a fling

But the words
just don't come
I've lost my voice
I've gone dumb

Voiceless
as I walk out the door
I whisper, 'I'm sorry'
I don't love you any more...

Nature's Tears

All is quiet
not a whisper of hello
not a hint of farewell

Tonight you are mine
and mine alone
The world fades into oblivion

the stars are put out
and the sun has been sent to bed
only the moon shines

whispering
whispering

the leaves trickle
along the path you walked

the foot prints
still fresh on the snow caked floor
along the path you walked

the sweet embrace
the gentle carress
everything is mine again tonight

in one kiss
I taste eternity
in one smile
I feel immortal

the wind

whispers
whispers

across the path you took

we'll make love
like tommorow doesn't matter
like the sun will continue its peaceful slumber forever

we'll hold each other close
like the morning fresh dew
trickling across the first buds of spring

one step at a time
slowly
but surely
you walked away from me

let the rain rip the cherry blossoms from its tree
let the wind tear the roses from its bed
let the sun bake dry the waterfalls

let the world fall apart
into tiny pieces beyond imagination
and beyond redemption

you weren't mine to keep

but my soul and heart
still whisper your name

across the snow layden path you took away from me...

Vinepedia presents : Getting a date and dating girls

Okay... so I was talking to a friend of mine and he raised a very interesting question. How do you get a date and what do you do on a date?

Ok. First of all, the obvious problem if you are single is how to get a date! There are several approaches depending on your looks and your financial status.

Easy peasy!
Look: Brad Pitt looks like me (not the other way round fool!)
Money: I own Microsoft
Approach: This one is simple enough. Just look around you, find any chick you fancy and say, 'I could have any girl in the world, but I chose you!'. Then flash stuff some 100 dollar bills in her cleavage and flash that million dollar smile of yours. If you get slapped, you're not as good looking as you thought you were. Or! The woman fancies carpet munching more than hiding the salami! Or she's a feminist! Oh wait... same damn thing!

Money talks!
Look: Butter curdles when I look at it!
Money: I own a small island and a few continents just for kicks
Approach: Get two little girls (cutesy type obviously) to walk in front of you and throw hundred dollar bills. Then, casually walk on the bills towards the girl and ask her out. If this doesn't work, shout, 'You gold digging bitch! I leave you for a second and your out on the streets selling yourself again?'

I can't afford you but I can sure f*ck your brains out!
Look: Women wet their panties (in the good way idiot... not piss themselves) when I walk by
Money: The IRS give me food tokens out of sympahty
Approach: Walk up to a girl and say, 'Pinch yourself now, cause I'm asking you out on a dream date on you!'. If she says she has a boyfriend, date her boy friend.

Hopeless dudes
Look: There's nothing left of a mirror when I look at it!
Money: I'm so ugly, Webster looks more manly than me!
Approach: Crawl up to a woman and beg her to date you. Threaten to jump of a bridge if she doesn't. If she still turns you down. Jump. You may be dead. But die knowing at least one person will think of you (with guilt) when you're gone.


Ok. Now that down to pat. What do I do with a girl on a date?

Here's vinepedia's 20 steps to a good date!

1. Take her to the movies.
2. Pick her up from her place with your car.
3. If you don't have a car, use your motorbike to pick her up.
4. If you don't have that either, suggest a scenic walk across the highway to enjoy the stars with her.
5. If she collapses from exhaustion, bring her home and screw her brains out. You walked for her after all. One sweet deed deserves another!
6. If the movie is at 2pm in the afternoon, get mommy to drive the both of you.
7. If mommy decides she wants to watch the movie too, you're screwed. Start back at point 1.
7. Look her in the eyes when you're talking to her. This will help you tell if she likes you or not. If she licks her lips or plays with her hair, we're in business. Proceed to 8. If not, proceed to 8 any way :p
8. Wait till you're about to reach an escalator and offer her a hand to step on the first step. Continue to hold her hand after that.
9. If she misteps and falls... LET GO STUPID! YOU DON'T WANT TO FALL TOO DO YOU?
10. Ask her what she wants to watch.
11. Pretend not to hear and buy tickets for a horror movie you've watched before so you know when the scary bits are coming.
12. Lift her cinema seat for her when she is about to sit.
13. Watch the movie.
14. Stretch out your hand over her head. Slowly place it over her shoulder. Please note that you should NOT have body odour when you do this! (if she passes out refer to 5)
15. Every time a scary part is coming, lean towards her and pull her close a little.
16. If she scream 'Rape!'... Run.
17. If she screams every few seconds in fear, put ear plugs on.
18. When the movies about to end, i.e. the touching scene between the hero and the chick, look at her, pull her closer and smile.
19. Talk about the movie with her on the way home.
20. Ask her out for another date if 1- 19 worked well. Beg for at least a blow job to cover the cost of the movie and petrol if it did not.