Poor People

Poor people: A definition (or in this case definitionS!)

Like all people, there are different types of poor people. Define poor people? Poor people are those that are economically challenged. Meaning that they can’t afford what they want to get. Or can’t afford to keep what they have. Don’t like the definition? Read some one else’s article!

Okay fine! Here’s a definition for you from dictionary.com:

Poor people

Noun
People without possessions or wealth.

Anyway, there are 6 types of poor people. Let’s take a look at them!

Poorus Saintus
These are poor people who can’t afford to get themselves anything at all but spend their entire lack of wealth, energy and time towards helping other people. Can you say Mother Theresa? These people are the epitome of sainthood and have one way tickets to heaven booked for them. If everyone was like these people, we’d have a terribly boringly perfect world. Heaven would be overpopulated and we’d have to expand it into hell, leaving some of these do-gooders with very Malaysian weather (panas la!)

Poorus Evilus
These people are the opposite of Poorus Saintus. They do whatever they like because they feel they are poor and have nothing to lose. Mostly these people do bad bad stuff. Hence the name: Poorus Evilus. Need a new watch? Rob the old man hobbling down the street with a cane who has a bright shiny new Rolex! Never mind if you beat him to death while robbing him! All poor people go to hell anyway; can’t afford the air conditioning in heaven.

Poorus Maximus
These guys are so poor that they make being poor a job. They beg or picket with signs saying ‘I’m poor. Gimmeh money!’. They’re too poor to print out a resume. Therefore they’re too poor to get a job. It’s not their fault! Honestly! With the price of petrol nowadays, everything is expensive; even 20 cents for printing a page of A4 paper.

Poorus Workusassoffinoffice
Poorus Workusassoffinoffice are the motivated and driven type of poor people. They work their butts off for that promotion. They camp and live in their offices, hoping to get that big break to move into big bucks and their dreams. Unfortunately, most of them never do realise their dreams. They’re not the son-in-law of the PM. They can’t afford to bribe for a position in the senior judiciary. All they have is their bodies. Assuming they have nice bodies that is! Even those have a sell before date. After 30, everything is saggy and nobody wants it any more!

Poorus Lazyuss
These guys are the opposite of Poorus Workusassoffinoffice. They’re poor and don’t care. They’re happy being poor and accept it. Well not that they accept it, they’re just too damn lazy to do anything about it except save up to buy the occasional lottery ticket and cross their fingers and toes that they win.

Poorus Chameleonsnus
Derived from the word chameleon, these guys are exactly that! Chameleons. They’re broke as hell but put the image that they’re rich out to the world. They own BMW’s and bungalows but eat a diet of salt and rice to even out things. To them, looking rich is good enough if they can’t actually be rich. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t really rich, as long as people THINK they are rich!

So what kind of poor person are you? How do I know you’re poor? Well, you’re reading a free magazine instead of making money. Definitely a poor person!

Stay tuned for next issue’s counterpart: ‘Rich buggers we all wish we were’. Over and out.