Daddy

He sat down on the bench sipping a cola. He smiled as he watched his dog run zig zags around the open park chasing sparrows.

'She's having fun,' allowing himself a rare smile.

The sun blazed down on his skin, warming away the numbness he always felt. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. The long sleeve sweater he was wearing made him, well, sweat. His brown hair glistened in the sunlight.

Suki ran towards him and put her forelegs on his lap, barking enthusiasthicly.

'Oh, so you DO remember me! I thought you were having so much fun you'd forgotten,' he chided Suki.

She jumped onto his lap and licked his face very seriously. Well as seriously as a dog could.

'Oh, feeling guilty now are we! It's fine sweetie. Go run. I know you like it,' he hugged her close then let put her on the floor. She took a last glance at him, barked, and ran to continue her game of catch with the sparrows.

Suddenly heard Suki barking excitedly.

'She must have seen someone with ice cream,' he turned to look. Then, he forgot to breathe.

Her hair was longer now. It fell all the way down to her waist. Her smile, so familiar yet so foreign at the same time, made him choke.

'Suki! Suki! How are you girl? Where's your daddy?' she laughed.

He felt like running away.

'What will I do about Suki? Maybe if I hide, she'll leave after awhile.'

He sighed and walked towards her.

'Hey Mel. Been a while.'

'Hey! Suki's grown so much! And she still recognises me!' she said between barks from a very happy Suki.

'Of course she recognises you. We bought her together after all. She remember when you used to play with her as a puppy four years ago.She remembers the people she loves.'

'You've lost weight. And you've not been sleeping. Look at your eyebags!' she said eyeing him critically while she walked towards him.

'It's just your imagination,' he tried to smile.

She wrapped her arms around him suddenly.

'H..heyyy... what you doing?' he stammered.

'I've missed you. Its so good to see you again. You never called'

He felt every muscle of his body tense and relax all at the same time. The scent of her hair filled his mind, taking him back years ago. He didn't realise it but he was holding her tightly, as if he was afraid she'd disappear.

They stood like that for a while. Suki sensed something very intimate and sat down quietly, watching them. For the whole of two minutes. A life time for an enthusiastic dog. Then, she jumped excitedly on both of them, knocking them to the floor. Right where their faces were accessible for the love she wanted to show them. Love had never been so.... wet; doggy drool wet.

Mel laughed and tried to fend off a very happy Suki.

Lying on the floor he grumbled, 'This was my best sweater. Now I've got dog drool and sand all over it. NO DINNER FOR YOU SUKI!'

'Hey! She's a pu..'

'...ppy. She's 4 years old now. She's HARDLY a puppy.'

'So what? She's young at heart!'

'Good that you mentioned the heart. She's gotten so fat I'd better put her on a diet in case she gets heart problems. Cholesterol you know.'

'Hey! No! She's not fat... she's just... bi...'

'...big boned. Rosie O Donnell is big boned. Suki's fat.'

'Thats mean! She's just nice to hug,' she pouted and hugged Suki who was blissfully unaware that her meal rationing was being debated.

'People are staring at us. Lets get up,' he whispered to her.

'Since when did you care what people thought of you?' she countered.

'True. The sky's really blue today.'

'Yea.'

'Have you moved on yet?' she asked, turning to look at him seriously.

He stared into her eyes. He could never lie to her when she looked at him like that.

'In my own way, I have.'

'You're not answering the question.'

'You're thinking too much into it.'

'I still love you,' she whispered.

He turned to look at her. For a second she could see all the pain and hurt in his grey eyes. He looked haunted.

'I'm sorry. I'm married now.'

'You will always be my first love. Nothing that happened will change that.'

'But it did happen. And that changes everything,' he whispered sadly.

She pulled his arm towards him, lifting the sleeve. He winced at the pain. His arm was covered with cuts and cigarrette burns.

'Punishing yourself won't change what happened that night.'

'It's the least I can do.'

He was about to answer her, when a small voice rang, 'Mummy why are you on the floor? Are you sick?'

'Hi there sweetie. Whatcha doing here?' Mel asked but her son's attention was focused else where.

'Mummy? Can I take her home with us? She likes me.' he giggled as Suki licked his face.

'No honey. We can't do that. The poor man here will be lonely without her.'

The boy stopped and looked at the man. His grey eyes serious for a second.

'Then let's take him home with us too,' he said brightly.

He laughed when the child said that.

'He's a smart kid, Mel.'

'He takes after his father,' she smiled.

The words stung when she said that but he smiled anyway.

'Mommy pleaseeee? Can we take the nice man and the doggie home with us?' he pleaded.

'No honey, his mummy would be sad if we did that. She loves this man and the doggie very much.'

'Oh.' he said disappointedly. Then with the brilliance of a three year old, he asked, 'Then can I have some ice cream instead?'

She laughed and ruffled his brown hair. 'Well, I've got to go. Almost time for dinner. His daddy's waiting for us.'

The boy looked up quizzically. 'Daddy?'

Mel lifted the boy up and kissed his cheek. 'Call me some time. I'll be waiting.'

'Mel...' His tongue went numb. The words he wanted to say died in his throat.'Be safe.' he whispered.

'I love you too. And you too Suki darling!' She smiled at him one last time. 'You can't change the past no matter how much you want to.'

'Yes, but I can atone for it.'

Her eyes soften and misted over. 'Its not just you that's hurting for this atonement. You haven't the faintest idea what you're missing.'

Then she walked away.

He closed his eyes. And he saw it all.

He could see Mel laughing next to him in the car. It was raining.

'Honey, don't drive so fast. It's raining. It's dangerous,' she had said.

'We're late for the tailor appointment. You do want your handsome fiancee to look even more dashing than he already does in his suit, don't you?'

'No I don't. All the ladies will be waiting to snatch you the minute I turn my back.'

'I wouldn't leave you for the second hottest woman in the world,' he smiled.

'The second? What about the first?' she asked sternly.

'Well, I'd have to seriously think about that. I mean she is THE hottest woman in the world. A man could get tempted you know.'

'Then I'll give you reason not to...' she said, leaning in to kiss him deeply in the lips.

He kissed her back. Then turned back to look at the road in front of him. Too late.

He jammed his brakes, but the floor was too wet. The car hit the child crossing the road with a sickening crunch sending the child flying. The child was dead before landing.

Tears came to his eyes. 'I don't deserve to be happy.'

He had left Mel that day. Never wanting to be happy again. He canceled the wedding. He gave up on his life.

Elsewhere, a child's curiosity was piqued.

'Mommy. I don't have a daddy. Did you get me one?'

'Sure you have a daddy, honey,' she said kissing his cheek.

'I've never seen him. Doesn't he love me?' the little boy asked; feeling hurt. Tears welled up in his eyes and he began to cry.

'He would love you. He will love you. You have his eyes and his hair. You look just like him,' she said, soothing him.

'Mommy. Was that man my daddy?' he voiced his realisation.

She was quiet for a while.

'Yes.'