Numb

Its 4am and I still can't sleep. So I thought I'd share something with all two of the readers of this blog. :)

What is the worst feeling in this world? I don't mean just bad feelings. I mean the absolute worst feeling that you can ever feel.

Some people will say getting your heart broken. Other people will say losing. To me the worst feeling in the world is feeling numb.

Broken hearts can be healed. You're not always a loser (unless your name starts with a Q and ends with a h... shush Eunice... dont give away the secret)

These things are in passing and you will get over them sooner or later.

But what is it like to feel absolutely numb. No happiness. No sadness. You're just a blank page with nothing written on it.

You stay awake, trying to figure out what is wrong. Your friends try to comfort you. Your family stands a firm pillar of support. And yet, you feel nothing. No motivation. No goals. Nothing.

You can't cry because you can't feel anything. You can't laugh because you don't enjoy anything. Smiling is a facade you put on so people don't worry about you.

You sit down in the mirror and look at yourself. You're indifferent to how you look.

Then you feel the sweet bite of the razor on your soft skin and you shiver. There is something that you still feel. Pain. It is bliss compared to the emptiness that is your life.

You live life to breathe and find some reason to be alive. You don't actually live. You just exist.

Is it really worth living like this?

I don't know. But I haven't a choice. I have more friends than I deserve. And a family that loves me more than I am worth.

So I'll pick up the pieces of my life. And I will live.

Maybe one day. I will feel alive.


Dance on my skin;
silver blades of emotion.
Slither slowly,
and do not pause.
Let the crimson tears
weep for the eyes
that do not know how to.
Graft the meaning
of life.
A reason to live.
Cut away the emptiness
and send shivers of emotion
into my spineless spine.
Rip into my mind
and make me feel
anything
something

but

numb.