Letting go

Its been said that the hardest part of loving some one is letting them go. When I broke up with my 'fiancee' I gave her back every single memory that I had with her. From the AND1 shoes she bought me to the chess set we used to play on every other day. When I broke up with my first love I burned every single thing that reminded me of her. It was a big fire. Or at least I thought I burned everything. I later found little pieces of memories which I treasure now.

I learned my lesson then, I think. Burning or giving them away doesn't take the pain away. At the same time, it did give me a peace of mind. Outta sight outta mind as the saying goes. This time I've kept everything a certain some one gave me. From the love letters she wrote me, the box of memories she gave me, to the ticket stubs of every movie we watched together. I even listen to 'our songs' together some times. I still go through the stuff we call memories some times. Some times it brings a smile to my face, other times an empty space in the heart.

Lets talk about that empty space. Do we really need some one else to be there for that space to be filled? Some one to care for and to love to fill the hole in your heart? Are we as humans forever searching for that partner to fill that empty space in life? To ease the loneliness we feel in this world?

I wonder. Cause at times I feel fine. Things go on as they normally do. I get busy with college work and hanging out with friends. Then there are times, mostly in the quiet of the night when I start thinking about her. Wondering what she is doing. How she is faring. Wondering if she's thinking of me. Just wondering. This is when it strikes the most deeply. The sense of loneliness and emptiness without her.

They say time heals everything. I've forgotten how she looks like. Apart from her smile. But I still remember how she smells and how soft she was to hold. Simple things like that I remember but I forget how she looks. How she talks. I remember how she thinks though weirdly enough. She was a strange little girl.

Time hasn't really healed anything. Made it blurred perhaps. But definitely not healed. If anything did heal me it was writing 'Imagine' (The Ring). A lot of me went into that piece of writing. From the love story, to the broken family, to the loneliness. It was a script I wrote from the heart. Perhaps that is why it is good. I'm not being conceited. Personally I wonder if I'll ever write anything as good as that again.

The healing process is so slow that it feels like its not happening at all. But I'm sure its happening. I hope you read this :)

Thats all for now... enough pensive thinking. Don't wanna fall into a depression. Too much work to be done.