The Towel Story

Thanks a LOT Audrey! *waves fist*

Okay... here goes people. This will be your laugh at my expense for the month. This happened some time last year. Or perhaps even before that. Like I said, Audrey is a database of peoples embarassing and happy moments. If you want a more specific date go run a search on her database :p

Mine got corrupted by nicotine and alcohol a long time ago.

So here goes, I had just taken a shower and discovered that I had no shorts and no boxers to wear! My little indon maid of the house @ my younger brother must have left the clothes at the back to dry. So I head off to the back yard, dressed in my towel alone.

So I open the back door and head to the backyard. As I step out, a very very very strong gust of wind blows the door shut. I am highly suspicious murphy had something to do with this. The door by another murphy miracle locked itself shut. Please insert much cursing here.

I was late for a lunch appointment and in a huge rush. Fortunately for me, there was a stick I could use to reach the keys which were on the kitchen table. So I stretch for the keys, using the stick to hook the keys. Trust me it isn't as easy as it may seem. It took me a good 15 minutes to do this. When I finally managed to hook the keys, I flicked the stick to 'throw' the keys towards me. Again, I suspect Murphy lent me some unwanted and uninvited strength. The flick was too powerful, and the keys flew. I watch its majectic flight in super slow motion, as it flew to the OTHER door of my yard. Yup, the OTHER LOCKED one.

Please insert more cursing here.

It wasn't so bad this time though. The keys were within reach, all I had to do was put my hand through the fence and pick them up. Sounds simple aye?

Shame on you. NOTHING in this freakin world is as simple as it seems.

Just as I was reaching for the keys, a golden retriever pops along and decides to be friendly with my hand. Not that I minded very much, but I really wanted the keys. The mutt decided to nuzzle my hand and basically get in between my hand and the keys. Annoyed, I try to scare the dog away from my hand.

At this point, her intelligence kicks in.

'Oh! Human wants key! Me help.'

She (I did not have time to ascertain the dog's gender, but only females can be this nosey and completely misunderstand a mans intentions) decides that the keys are an object of curiousity more worthy than my hand. She nuzzles the keys at first, which isnt' such a bad thing. Then she goes into pre-pounce stance.

At this point, I realised I was in deep shit.

The mutt jumped my keys and started pulling it away from me ever slowly. I shout at the mutt, going 'NO! BAD ! NO!.'

To my HUGE suprise. It works. She backs off the keys. Now to get to the keys, I REALLY need to stretch. So I stretch my bestest. Then.... the next disaster occurs. I feel a tug on my towel.

Apparently, she decided that I was an ungrateful person. After all, all she did was try to HELP. I, being aforementioned ungrateful and mean human, screamed my lungs out and ranted at her. Such bad behavior should be PUNISHED. And she decided that in this case, HUMILIATION would be more appropriate than pain. Instead of biting me, she decided to strip me instead.

So here I am, on hand reaching for the keys desparately, the other holding on to my towel for dear life. After 5 to 10 minutes of this tussle or so, the neighbour appears.

'Oh! Look! Angel's 'playing' with the neighbour'.

PLAYING??? PLAYING?????



I was too speechless to say anything. Such BLATANT stupidity would only cause me to waste my breath should I explain the real situation. So I ignore the moron and continue reaching for my keys. And she continues watching her dog molest my towel.

I took me another good 10 minutes to get my keys, but not before the mutt manages to make me half moon my neighbour. I swear, the damn mutt looked freaking smug!

The best part is, there were no clothes out to dry in the back yard. They were all neatly folded and placed in the TV room. So all the trauma I underwent was completely unnecesary!

So this is the story. To those of you who asked me if I flashed anyone in a towel, if I did a strip tease or if I stole a towel... well I'll bear that in mind for my next adventure with my keys and towel.

Yea... over YOUR dead body.