Friday, March 30, 2007
Tagged by LiL1 :D
WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THAT?
Hmm... why am I always so emo and you can't understand me? Its cause I'm deep :D
I JUST REALIZED NOW THAT I LOVE YOU.
I just realised that I contracted herpes... do you still love me? Aww... why not? :(
LEAVE HIM//HER ALREADY. YOU'LL BE MUCH MORE HAPPY WITH ME....
Sure... I'll make you miserable instead of her. Actually... why don't I make BOTH of you miserable... its more fun that way... plus I get more nookie...
COME ON. SMILE. YOU'RE CUTE WHEN YOU DO THAT.
Must be because of my nicotine sexed teeth... *toothy grin*
PLEASE DO MY MATH HOMEWORK.
Maths? Me? Do? .... something wrong with this equation... if it were an English assignment... then maybe I could help... even that would cost you money any way :p
I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
I know. I know. I tell myself that every morning.
WHY DOES MONDAY COME BEFORE TUESDAY?
The same reason I don't call you anymore. Because you're redundant.
I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE LINKIN PARK CONCERT. WANNA COME WITH ME?
As long as I don't have to drive and I don't have to dance or sweat. Or wait... the idea is to dance and sweat no? In that case... no thanks ;p
YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST SPECIAL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I always knew I was special... people have been calling me a retard since I was born... you're not the first... and you won't be the last to say that to me :D
I THINK IM FALLING FOR YOU.
I can get you a cushion. To fall on... to cry on.... perhaps to fart on? But you'd have to pay for the cushion tho... I'm cheap like that...
I CAN'T SMILE WITHOUT YOU?
Sure you can. Take some acid or grass... you'll be smiling so much you won't be able to stop.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, BUT YOU JUST AREN'T HIM//HER.
Hey... use another line already... I'm sick of being dumped with that line ;p
NOTHING.
You say it best... when you say nothing at all? Gosh... you must be a retard...
WHATS YOUR MOBILE NUMBER?
If I can't remember my own number... what are the chances of you remembering it?
CAN I HAVE THIS DANCE?
I'd suggest not. Toes are breakable... and I'm very into breaking stuff at this phase in my life...
MAY I ESCORT YOU?
Unless you're bigger than me... and would beat me up if I said no.... then No.... And if you ARE bigger than me... I'd say.... help?
DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM/HER TILL NOW?
The one million dollar question. N.O. Thats 500k per letter. Easiest money I've ever made.
YOU WERE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED.
Its not me. Its you! You changed! Thats why WE are in the past tense now... and theres no future in US...
WHEN WILL I GET UR SWEET EYES?
You can have the damn eyebags... :p
Answers a lil cynical? :D Thats me ;p...
I tag Pinky and the lack of a brain... I mean Iesnek...
The internet is for PORN!
that I keep
Its not very complex
Its not very deep
Actually its no secret
To most peoples
Especially those with glasses
and pimples
I found this out
quite a while ago
the internet is for porn
Did you know!
There's all sorts
for all kinds
I've seen things
that messed with my mind(s?)!
That French Poodle,
the human, not the dog,
Talking down low and dirty
I still have the logs!
There's the inter-racials
White and black
Watched it while listening to
Smack that!
Then you have the kinky
And the every so naughty
Playing with toes, whips
Chocolate 'ice-cream'. and pee!
Theres your pick
of the soft or hard core
One things for sure
It'll have you begging for more!
Just so you know
The internets for porn!
From late nights
to the early morn~
Computer Jokes - How to Get a Life
It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn't as painful as kidney stones. Here's how:
Let go of the mouse.
Turn off the computer.
Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.
Eat something other than taco chips.
Fart without recording it and putting it up your Web page.
Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.
Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don't tell everyone on your ICQ list about it.
Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible). Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.
When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.
If you see someone, say "Hi" to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.
Visit a friend that you haven't spoken to in years because they don't have an email address.
Have ".com" officially removed from behind your name.
Go on a date with someone you didn't meet in a chat room.
Been reading through my blog archives... I've been a pretty gloomy writer of late... so heres a touch of funny for those of you who like my sense of humor. I'm trying hard to cheer up and deal with my loss of baby... the first step towards recovery I think... also the most crucial since my exams and assignments are due soon. I have to be in thinking form as soon as possible!
So drop me a comment for encouragement if you like... or discouragement if you hate my guts... :)
have a murphy day
*Sigh*
I'll miss her perhaps forever. But I'm grateful for the time we had together. She was truely something special to me. A constant source of warmth and love that I never expected to find in this world. I could be cynical and say nothing good lasts forever. But a big part of me wants to deny this. To think that Baby will find her way home to us somehow. Unhurt. Her usual friendly and energetic self.
You had tiny hands
So they all said
A pretty face
that would turn heads
Ever young
Ever energetic
Brought a smile
amidst the hectic
Jumping into glass tables
Climbing giant steps
Cuddling up to fresh laundry
Barking at the neighbours cats
Pouncing onto vacuum cleaners
Jumping to greet me hello
Whining to get your way
Playing Fetch but not letting go
Sitting like you were squating
Good thing we didn't name you Lady
Instead we settled for
plain old Baby
Stealing food
not meant for you
Giving love
that was pure and true
Chewing on expensive books
Ripping up newpapers
We'd always say
We'd spank you laters
You ran away
one time too many
I've given up hope
I don't have any
I hope you doing fine
Without me and mom too
Cause we're not doing so good
Without you
If God were to touch our lives
and grant us one wish
We'd have you back in a second
scratching on your dinner dish
Its cold without you
So cold it stings
But we keep warmth in your memory
And your little play things.
Monday, March 26, 2007
I'm sorry baby...
to who ever's taken her... I hope you take good care of her... she's playful and not fully toilet trained... so please don't be too harsh on her... I'd ask you to return her to us... she means a lot to my family... she's kept us together through hard times and bad time that you couldn't imagine...
she brought smiles when everything seemed to be falling apart... she made us whole when there was emptiness in our hearts...
you're not just taking a dog away from us... you're taking a family member... so please have a heart... have some emphathy... its not the money... we will give you a cash reward... as long as she comes home in one piece... that is all we ask for...
she's our precious baby...
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Pseudo tag by pinky
blue i think..
2.number of pillows you sleep with?
2 pillows, 1 small bolster
3.where are you right now?
in my room
4.what were you doing 12AM last night?
drinking
5.how old will you be in 10 years?
37... dear god...
6.what do you think you'll be doing in 15 years?
copy writing overseas
7.do u have braces?
used to
8.are you paranoid?
about some things yea
9.describe your wallet?
its black and keeps stuff for me :p
10.your alarm clock?
my handphone.
11.your hair?
black
12.tooth brush?
toilet brush? Wait... what was the question again?
13.what color are your eyes?
black, I think
14.unforgettable enemy?
rather not mention it
15.first play/musical/performance?
when I was 12 I acted in a national play... called Koporat... it was about HIV
16.last movie seen in cinema?
can't quite recall
17.last person you yelled at?
my mom
18.last crush?
a friend :)
19.last shoes worn?
my slip on loafers
20.last ice cream eaten?
just only.. macD raspberry cone
21.last word written by hand?
telephone number ;)
22.last time you wanted to die?
march 13th
23.when was the last time you went out at night?
an hour ago
24.what was the last song you heard?
Match box 20 - breakfast at tifanny's
25.what is it about the opposite sex
from another world
26.what do u want to do now?
find my dog
27.what's the first thing you ate this morning?
slept.. skipped lunch and breakfast... had thai for dinner tho
28.what's that one song you never get over?
Truely Madly Deeply and Baby can I hold you tonight
30.fave day of the week?
friday and saturday
I tag eolanda and iesnek
Friday, March 23, 2007
wishful thinking
I'm absolutely heartbroken... I don't know what to do without her... my mom is so depressed... and so am I...
it was baby's birthday on the 20th... I hope some one finds her and brings her back to us...
sigh... heres to wishful thinking
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Siapa makan cili rasa pedas
I kissed a corpse
I have kissed a corpse
Not once, but twice!
I’d have said it earlier
But it was not nice.
The first,
My departed grandfather,
Peaceful in his rest,
Moving on to his life after,
The second,
A cold cold kiss,
One that I would remember
But never want to miss.
Without warmth.
Without passion.
I kissed a corpse,
An involuntary action
Self notions of Christianity,
Overwhelming all emotion.
Hypocrisy unbounded,
Deserving no devotion.
Dead inside,
Souless and cold,
And yet, she was,
But nineteen years old.
Dry with heartache,
Laced with lust,
The kiss lacked love
That was a must.
Lacked the understanding
And companionship
Indeed the kiss was of
Poor workmanship
Beautiful to see
A sight to behold
But in a simple kiss
I felt death unfold
The first kiss
Was more sincere,
Than, the second,
Where love was never there.
The walking dead
Without a heart that was true
This dead person
Was none other than ‘you’.
Baby is missing
If you read my blog, and stay in the subang area, she is a jack russell terrier with brown head, white body and a distinctive black patch on her bottom. She is tiny too. She looks like a puppy. I'd post a picture but my internet at home is down and I don't have any pictures of her here.
Please please, I'm begging. Get in contact with me if you know anything. 0122809296. You can even miss call me and I'll call you back. We're offering a reward for anyone who finds her.
Please. She means the world to me and my mother.
Baby... come home :(
Baby poems :(
Where did you go?
I hope you’re doing fine
Cause deep inside
I still feel you’re mine
I remember your warmth
Your smell
Will I see you again?
Only time can tell
I tried looking for you
Searching so hard
Only no results
And a broken heart
Oh where did you go
I wish you would talk
Then we could walk
Those walks
Play those games
We used to play
Just like before
Just like yesterday
Please come home,
It’s where you belong
I’m trying hard
To be strong
But every time
I think about you
My heart aches so hard
It’s so untrue
Baby where did you go?
Where did you go?
I really really
Need to know
I hate myself for losing you
I feel like cutting streaks of pain down my arms
Let the blood flow and cleanse the tears
I feel like ramming my car into a wall
Smashing every bone that feels at all
I feel like thrashing furniture
Breaking chairs and tables
Let the sounds echo in my broken heart
I’m not so good, I’m not so smart
If I were stronger, just a lil bit faster
This would have never have happened
You’d not gone and have left me
Pasting a missings poster on a tree
I hate myself, I truly do
Because I wasn’t good to save you.
I remember
I remember when you were little
And the steps were bigger than you.
Unbelievable?
But truely true.
I remember when you chewed
The nose off my precious bear,
I was so mad,
I spanked you then and there.
I remember when you first walked up
Running into my room,
Surprised by the darkness
And the gloom.
I remember the light you shone
On my soul,
Sitting on my lap,
Quietly you made me whole.
I remember how you’d run to greet me
Bells tinkling, as I came home
Made me feel like I wasn’t
So alone
I remember how you were
So terribly afraid of thunder
And how someone whistling
Would make you tilt your head in wonder
I remember stroking your fur
And holding you close
Stroking the space
Between your eyes and nose
I remember how you’d sleep
Cuddled up close to me
Filling the empty space
That no one could see
I remember when you were sick
And I was so damn worried
Fed you sugared water with a syringe
Time stood still, nothing was hurried.
I remember you all over the place
Hyperactive and running around
You’d run up the stairs
Up and down. Up and down.
I remember the tears I cried
When you disappeared
And all the hurt and pain
That suddenly appeared
I remember when the thought sank in
That I’d never see you again
And how on my heart
That left a blood red dark stain.
I remember loving you
I remember your love for me
So here’s some thing I wrote for you
For the whole world to see
Goodbye
I can’t pretend
That I’m glad you went away
The pain stabs at me
Every single day,
But I’ll be strong
But I’ll suck it in
I’ll walk straight
And keep up my chin
I won’t cry any more
Over you
Not because I don’t love you
I know that’s not true
But because I treasure
The love you shared
And knowing that
I actually cared
You made me feel
When I was a zombie
Eased away with your love
The cold, unfeeling me
You were like a baby
A lil daughter to me
My love for you
Was plain to see
But now you’re gone
And I’m a lil lost
I don’t know how much
Your absence will cost
But I’ll keep moving on
And believing your fine
And that’s its okay
You’re no longer mine
Maybe some one else needs you
Like I needed you
To turn their grey skies
A baby blue
Maybe it wasn’t meant to be
Maybe, maybe.
Some times you have to close your eyes
To truly see.
You have to let go
To truly understand
I’m trying hard
Real hard, to be a man
So I’ll finally say
To my baby, good bye
Meanwhile,
I’ll just do my best not to cry.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
:)
gets old and faded
I'll hold you close
till you're not so jaded
When you're down
and you cry and cry
I'll be there
to wipe your tears dry
When you're down
And feel like giving up
I'll be there
to lift you up...
When the world
turn on you
I will be there
I will be true
When things
all fall apart
I'll be there
to mend your heart
I'll be the quiet of the night
The sunshine in the day
I'll be there no matter or when
And in every way...
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Getting wild!
Monday, March 05, 2007
Tagged by pinky again
1. FIRST REAL BEST FRIEND: hmm... yea... I used to have this group of bestfriend when I was in primary school. When I moved schools we all cried! People changed tho as we grew up. Now they're just a memory
2. FIRST SCHOOL: some methodist kindagarden run by monks
3. FIRST CELL PHONE: some ericsson flip phone
4. FIRST LOVE: Gen... wow that was a long time ago...
5. FIRST PET: baby the little monster!
6. FIRST DAY: huh? First day I was born ah? don't remember much... apart from crying :p
7. FIRST FIGHT: I got into a fight at high school... this guy was being racist to me... so I kicked him... he was a lot bigger than me... but he never tried bullying me again after that!
8. FIRST CELEBRITY CRUSH: Never been into celebrity crushes...
9. FIRST TIME OUT OF THE COUNTRY:England, London
10. FIRST JOB: Radio DJ for URN , University Radio Nottingham
EVERYONE HAS THEIR LASTS TOO
1. LAST PERSON YOU HUGGED: Laura
2. LAST CAR RIDE: I drove myself :(
LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: A long long time ago... when I broke up with my ex...
4. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED: Apocolypto
5. LAST FOOD YOU ATE: Hokkien mee... a bit on the oily side :(
6. LAST ITEM BOUGHT: a pack of cigarrettes
7. LAST SHIRT WORN:a blue shirt
8. LAST THING YOU TOUCHED: o.O My keyboard?
9. LAST TIME YOU WERE EXCITED FOR SOMETHING: When exam results were out... but so potong stim... :(
10. LAST THING YOU DRANK: water... I'm dehydrated from sleeping in shitty hot weather
11. LAST TIME YOU WERE REALLY HONESTLY HAPPY: When I finished my movie 'Imagine'
TEN FAVORITES.
1. televison show: The simpsons.. but I don't watch TV much
2. flower:~ Sunflower
3. color:~ blue!
4. sport:~ basketball
5. mall:~ yuck... hate them all...
6. music:~ rock
7. food:~ steak :D
8. season: Spring, pretty, just like tempretures and a sense of a fresh beginning
9. animal:~ dogs!
10. subject :~ nothing in particular... maybe my dog!
TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT.
1. love or lust:~ love
2. hard liquor or beer:~ liquor
3. night or day:~ night.. I'm an insomaniac
4. one night stands or relationships:~ one night stands
5. television or internet:~ internet
6. pepsi or coke:~ coke
7. wild night out or romantic night in:~ romantic night in... I prefer spending quality time with people
8. colored pictures or black and white pictures:~ depends on the picture.
9. phone or in person:~ in person.
10. friendster or myspace:~ friendster.
TEN HAVE Y0U EVER's.
1. have you ever been caught sneakingout?~ yes!
2. have you ever kissed someone youdon't love?~ umm yup...
3. have you ever done something youregret?~ mostly after drinking~ :S
4. have you ever bungee jumped?~ am scared of heights... doubt I ever will
5. have you ever been on a house boat?~ nope
6. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker?~ yea... cool stuff jawbreakers
7. have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurts?~ definitely :(
9. have you ever danced in the rain?~ I don't dance unless I'm high or drunk... but I have walked in the rain alot
10. have you ever had a hang over?~ many many many times
I tag lil one and iesnek and sher! :p
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Come play with Baby
Here are some of the games we play.
Prison break!
Baby makes a run for freedom 'Braveheart' style and I run half naked and barefooted through the streets of Subang Jaya to catch her. The fact that she is tiny and a LOT faster than me, makes this game last longer and even more fun for her. The end game is when she runs out of breath, and starts running in spurts of speed instead of continously. Lucky for her, I'm normally wheezing and about to collapse by this time. So she gets away with it.
Poop and run!
Baby poops on Julian's bed and runs for her life when Julian lies down and feels 'lumps' in his bed. Normally ends with lumps on baby's poor butt.
Spot the wet spot!
Normally the spot is spotted with the feet. If you're lucky just one foot. If you're not so lucky both feet get soaked in baby's pee. She's become very adept at hiding her 'spots' and my family have become a lot more light footed!
edit: mom complained to me after reading this that not only did she step into a puddle of pee, she also slipped and fell in it.
Fetch... but its not for you!
Baby plays fetch... but not for you! She gets the item you've thrown for her to get, then runs along towards you. Thinks a while. Figures out, 'Hey, I ran all the way to get this, why should I give it up without a fight'. She clings on to the item for her dear life and refuses to let go; with mock growling and a wagging tail.
Play dead
Baby's a picky play dead player. She walks in a circle around mom on the bed. Carefully picking her spot to 'play dead'. Sniffing and nuzzling away, she'll finally settle on a spot that is most uncomfortable for mom and 'play dead' i.e. sleep for hours without moving. As long as mom is asleep, she's 'dead'.
Bury the bone!
Baby loves and I mean LOVES to hide her bones. And she loves it even more when people find her bones. Either by lying on it, tripping on it or jamming the vacuum cleaner with it. She also likes to bury the bone 'when no one is looking' (i.e. when everyone is watching) under cushions and pillows. She'll toodle away and come back later, expecting the bone to be there. Hell hath no wrath like a disappointed baby when she finds mom has removed the bone. Barking and whining ensue like no ones business.
Bounce!
Baby has a fascination with the vacuum cleaner. Its a love-hate relationship. She loves to watch it, but hates to have it close to her. Once she's even decided she'd had enough of the noise and pounced on the vacuum cleaner, only to bounce off.
Food for thought!
Baby digs her bowl when she's hungry. Or so you think! She normally digs her bowl at very momentous occasions. Such as 4am in the morning when everyone is trying to sleep, at the climax of a conversation.... or when I finally manage to connect to MSN after 30 minutes of trying.
You bathe me, I bathe you!
As the name of the game suggests, baby is a great sharer. Be it struggling for her life when you try to bathe her, ending up more wet than she is. Or just that frenzied shaking of fur that drenches your feet. She even manages to look smug in her own doggylike way.
Thunder strike!
Thunder doesn't strike? Does it? In baby's case it does. When thunder sounds, she'll start barking her hide off as if to scare it away. When she discovers this is not working as the thunder continues roaring, baby strikes! Jumping into the closest pair of arms or lap that she can find for shelter from the big bully.
Bigger is not necessarily better!
Baby loves picking fights with cats that are bigger than her! Size does not matter after all. She's also fond of trying to cozy up to big, rabid Dobbermen dogs that are growling their balls off at her. Talk about 'cili padi'... she's for real!
Migration!
Baby cuddles up to me quite often when I sleep. But as soon as she hears the aircon in mum's room turned on, she decides to dump me. Not for greener pastures... but COOLER pastures...
Catching!
Baby will run when you stomp your feet and chase her. She'll run and run around the house at top speed! Jumping sofa to sofa, table to chair, basically every where. Then when she gets tired she'll run into her 'safe zone'; her cage. Basically a dog's cage is supposed to be its haven. You're not supposed to make her feel insecure in her cage. So I can't touch her when she's in her cage. She'll drink water. Rest. Then look for the moment you're distracted to run out again.
____________________________________________________________________
So these are some of the games I play with my dog. Emphathise with me. Understand the panda eyes and stoned look I have. All my energy is sucked up by this tiny terror that I love so dearly.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I'll be your mirror
Ill be your mirror
Reflect what you are,
in case you dont know
Ill be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that youre home
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside youre twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
cause I see you
I find it hard to believe you dont know
The beauty that you are
But if you dont let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you wont be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside youre twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
cause I see you
Ill be your mirror
Tagged by the Pinkie~
On The Outside
Name : Vincent Jeremiah Edwin... Or plain Vince... Call me Jeremiah and feel pain!
Birth Date : 12th March 1980... an old old man...
Current status : Its complicated! (thank you friendster!)
Eye Colour : black
Hair Colour : Black.. with a crappy dye job which highlights it a little under the sun
Righty or Lefty : I write with my right... but do most things with my left... (let your imagination run wild!)
Layer Two :
On The Inside
Your Heritage : complicated! I'm a hybrid of chinese and indian... aka Chindian or Rulers of the world
Your Fears : losing my temper
Your Weakness : emotional
Your Perfect Pizza : definitely Dominoes
Layer Three :
Yesterday, Today , Tomorrow Your Thoughts
First Waking Up : dear god its 7pm!
Your Bedtime : insomania time...
Your Most Missed Memory : College during A levels... it was a blast!
Layer Four :
Your PickYour Pick Pepsi or Coke : Coke for sure!
McDonald's or Burger King : BK.. but its bloody expensive...
Single or Group Dates : Single... I like my QT...
Adidas or Nike : Adidas... Nike sucks... doesn't last at all...
Tea or Nestea : Earl Grey!!!
Chocolate or Vanilla : Chocolate!
Cappucino or Coffee : Neither... yuck...
Layer Five :
Do You..
Smoke : Like a chimney...
Curse : only when I drive... so shirley tells me...
Take a shower : only when the smell gets too bad... of course la! what kinda dumb question is this?
Have a crush : Hmm... possibly...
Think you've been in love : know it
Go to school : aye
Want to get married : I'm not so sure
Believe in yourself : much more today than in the past :)
Think you're a health freak : trying to be... too many bad habits and vices~ XD
Layer Six :
In The Past Month
Drank alcohol : like a drunk fish :D
Gone to the mall : yea... got dragged there... hate malls...
Been on stage : hmm... apart from presentations... nope
Eaten sushi : yesh... my favorite
Dyed your hair : nopes... that was a long while back... thinking about doing it again tho!
Layer Seven :
Have You Ever..
Played A Stripping Game : o.O... do I really have to answer this!
Changed Who You Were To Fit In : hmm... when I was in Burton.. I had to change or get the crap beaten out of me... there wasn't a choice really... black eyes are painful...
Layer Eight :
Age You're Hoping To Be Married : no idea
Layer Nine :
In a Girl/Guy Best
Eye Colour : soft brown
Best Hair Colour : brown or black
Short Hair or Long Hair : I dunno... depends on the person...
Layer Ten :
What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago : chatting with pinky
1 Hour Ago : making a torrent for my movie Imagine
4.5 Hours Ago : fast asleep
1 Month Ago : hmm... short term memory... :p
1 Year Ago: started studying again... *sigh*
Layer Eleven : Finish The Sentence
I Love : Writing
I Feel : frustrated... damn torrent won't work!
I Hate : it when things don't work my way!
I Hide : feelings and thoughts
I Miss : having some one there :)
I Need : to do my damn assignments and stop procrastinating!
I tag Eolanda, Wen and Iesnek :p
Thursday, March 01, 2007
I found a whole heap of marriage jokes
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
I post the rest when I get some sleep... I'm so tired...
If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke
Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
Feminists are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible
Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred
Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken
My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.
My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up. -- Nash