Sinderella ella ella

heh.. since I've been accused of being redundant... I thought I'd post another script of mine in the works... definitely different from Strawberry Milkshake :)

enjoy!

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New Paper showing Headlines

SinDerella smashes glass heel into Charming’s ear after argument!

SinDerella: Oh my God! How dare these bloody journalists blow everything out of proportion? All I did was tap him on the head with my heels! How dare they say I killed my poor hubby!

Britney Shaves: How is that possible Sindy? Your heel smashed straight through poor Charmy’s skull!

SinDerella: Shut up hairball. I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here.

Britney Shaves: You know I hate it when you call me that, Sindy!

SinDerella: Ok! Punziel then!

Britney Shaves: I hate that too! Not that long haired freak I used to be! Call me by my new name, Britney Shaves, damn it!

SinDerella: Whatever! At least you were useful back then. You used to clean my room by just walking around.

Britney Shaves: Emo!

SinDerella: Skinhead!

Britney Shaves: Emo!

SinDerella: Skinhead!

*fades out with them calling each other names*

Ext Garden

Sound of kids running around and screaming.

SinDerella: DAMN MY OVARIES! 18 kids in two years? I must be some freak or something!

Dougie Howsit: Well actually I can explain it to you if you want.

SinDerella: Shut up! I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here!

Dougie Howsit: That’s when a woman who is unable to naturally have children injects a group of drugs over an eight- to 10-day period so her ovaries can produce several mature eggs during a menstrual cycle. Therefore…

SinDerella: Shut up Dougie Howsit. I wasn’t barren. Charmy just couldn’t get it up! So we had no choice. But 18 babies in two years? What am I some kind of baby fucking factory? This is your fault!

Dougie Howsit: You remind me everyday and make me baby sit for free. What else do you want from me?

SinDerella: I want you to get rid of the brats. And I want a new husband. I haven’t gotten laid in weeks and its making me cranky.

Dougie Howsit: A cranky emo… is a normal emo!

SinDerella punches Dougie Howsit

SinDerella: Just do it! Or I’ll sue you for malpractice you squeaky voiced little pip squeak!

Dougie Howsit: Sell your children? But you’ll just use it to feed your alcoholism and cocaine abuse! As your personal doctor I seriously think…

SinDerella: DO IT! BEFORE I BREAK YOUR FUCKING VOICE WITH MY REMAINING GLASS SLIPPER!

Dougie Howsit: *squeak* Okay.

Ext. Warehouse

SinDerella: You sure this dude’s gonna buy my kids?

Dougie Howsit: Yea! They don’t call him the Big Bad Wolf for nothing.

SinDerella: Good!

Dougie Howsit: Aren’t you worried he’s going to eat them?

SinDerella: God damn it. I have my own fucking problems. Why the hell should I worry about some over grown brats.

Big Bad Wolf: Hello. I’ll huff, and I’ll puff and I’ll blow you.

SinDerella: He’s talking to you Dougie.

Dougie Howsit: I’m only 15… its not legal I’m afraid… according to the Law of…

Big Bad Wolf : Bah… Jail bait… no wonder you sound like a woman

SinDerella: You don’t look so bad to me. You’re a short yellow Chinese man. How can you be the big bad wolf?

Big Bad Wolf: Haiyah… its just a nickname la. I’m the biggest triad in town. People FEAR me!

SinDerella: I hate fucking triads.

Big Bad Wolf: I hate emo goth bitches. So we’re even.

SinDerella: Anyway I brought you some pork. So don’t eat my kids when I sell them to you?

Big Bad Wolf: PORK? NO PORK! I’m Muslim!

SinDerella & Dougie Howsit: Muslim??

Big Bad Wolf: Of course la! How do you think I own all these child labour based factories!

SinDerella: So it’s just child labour huh? Well I’ve had a tougher life. These little bastards will survive. So give me the money!

Mysterious voice: Ouhhhh! Wait! I’ll buy your kids from you!

SinDerella: Oh my god! Its Michelle Jerkson.

Michelle Jerkson: They’ll live a wonderful life and never grow up in my Never Never Land. Cause I’m BAD!

Big Bad Wolf: I’m THE BAD ONE HERE! Your kids’ll also go through a carton of lube every month!

Michelle Jerkson: I resent that! I don’t use lube. I like it natural!

Big Bad Wolf: Just like your face? I think your nose is dropping off again!

Michelle Jerkson: Are you picking a fight Chinaman?

Big Bad Wolf: Better a Chinaman than a ying yang plastic androgynous screw up!

Michelle Jerkson: THAT’S IT! TAKE THIS!

Michelle Jerkson throws his hat at Big Bad Wolf and cuts the Big Bad Wolf’s shirt.

Big Bad Wolf: That’s nothing! You and your stupid cap!

Big Bad Wolf bites Michelle Jerkson’s arm

Big Bad Wolf: Damn it! I can’t tell if its WHITE meat or BLACK meat, but… it definitely tastes like freaking PLASTIC!

Michelle Jerkson: What the hell is that supposed to mean? You’re really asking for it now.

Michelle Jerkson takes off his glove and Freddy Kruger like claws come out. He slashes at the Big Bad Wolf.

Big Bad Wolf: What the hell? How did you steal those from Cougar?

Michelle Jerkson: I knew him since he was a kid. So he lent them to me.

Big Bad Wolf: No wonder he turned out to be such a sick screw up! He still walks like a cowboy too! Take this! Grandma’s Specialty!

Big Bad Wolf throws a pair of giant dentures at Michelle Jerkson that bite his arm.

Michelle Jerkson: Ouhhh!! I mean… OW!!!!!!

SinDerella: I HATE ACTION MOVIES. They’re just like life… meaningless!

SinDerella Takes out an M16 and shoots both of them!

Dougie Howsit: Oh my god! You shot both of them!!

SinDerella: Well what are you waiting for, take the money and let’s go home. I’m RICH NOW!

Dougie Howsit: Shouldn’t we call an ambulance?

SinDerella: SHUT UP! I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here!

Dougie Howsit: What about the kids?

SinDerella: What about them? I have my own problems. Don’t dump all your troubles on me! Shut up and let’s go.

The two walk away with two silver suitcases of money.

Ext Garden

SinDerella: The damn kids found their way home! STRESS!

Britney Shaves: I’ll sing them a song and calm them down.

Britney Shaves sings ‘hit me baby one more time’ and the kids beat the crap out of her.

SinDerella: They finally did something useful With this money I’ll just send them all off to boarding school! YES that’s a BRILLIANT idea!

Britney Shaves: Call an ambulance!!!

SinDerella: SHUT UP! I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here!

Int Living Room

SinDerella: Finally peace and quiet! The brats are gone!

Maximum: Yes madam. It is a triffle quiet without the little ones.

SinDerella: That’s an understatement Jenkins.

Maximum: I AM MAXIMUM MERIDAS, GENERAL OF THE FERRET REGIMENT OF THE RODENT ARMY AND SERVANT TO THE EMPEROR RATATOUILLE! I AM FATHER TO A MURDERED HAMSTER AND HUSBAND TO TWO MURDERED GERBILS AND LANDLORD TO AN ANTI RODENT WORLD – AND I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE!

SinDerella: Shut the fuck up! All butlers are called Jenkins. And you’re no different!

Maximum: But, but…

SinDerella: I’ll cut your cheese rations if you don’t shut up!

Maximum: Yes ma’am. Jenkins it is.

SinDerella: Any way I have to make a plan to find my new husband!

Maximum: I know ma’am, why don’t we throw a ball like Prince Charming did to find your new husband.

SinDerella: I know! I should throw a ball like Prince Charming did to find my new husband! I’m a genius!

Maximum: But ma’am, that was MY idea!

SinDerella: SHUT UP! I’m trying to have a deep emotional moment here.

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