Stupid question Smart ass answer

1.At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends?
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here. and I also come here normally to pray......

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... Why don't you try again?

3. At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of allpeople.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "Paneer ButterMasala" dish good?
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:- oh! darling! you've become so big...
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No, he's a miserable wifebeating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research onwhether the Zulu tribes in africa marry or not. And you thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Will u tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No! it won't. It will just bleed and I will feel likedying....it's okay.....

10. You are smoking a cigarette and acute woman asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke ?
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ...it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!

From Niki