A while now

Its been a while since I've written anything. I have a talent for turning serious things into a complete joke. Into something funny and readable. Some how I can't do that this time. My thoughts are too gloomy for that. Or maybe I just lost the talent.

I've not written childrens stories for the longest time now. I had a few ideas but never noted them down. Now they're gone with the wind.

So many thoughts running through my head its unbeliavable. Exam results are coming up soon. I couldn't keep my promise I made to you. Top scorer indeed. I'll be lucky to get away with a few B's and C's. How truely pathethic. The only thing I scored top for was for English Communications and thats unofficial. Its hardly a suprise though. After all I am a writer. Sigh... I spent more time moping that its over than actually studying.

I thought i could bury myself in a world of fiction and fantasy. Then the thought of you would slowly fade away. Gaming and reading manga. Watching anime. Drinking just to ease the pain of not having you close by. Of not being able to talk to you. Anything just to push the thought of you out of my mind. It didn't work. I'm still in love with you.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I want to be stronger and move on with my life. My new term starts on Monday. This semester I'll do my best to get a 4.0 GPA. To make up for this bad semester I've had. No more fooling around. No more yearning to hear your voice. Or just some kind words.

I'm confused now. At first it was always you on my mind. Always wondering what you were doing and how you were. When you were sad, I just wanted to be there. To listen and to comfort you. Now I feel a little different. When you're treated coldly over and over again. Little pieces of you die. Until theres nothing left of you.

I say... who do you love
Can ya tell me
Is it her or is her?

Who do you want
Can ya tell me

cause
Tender is the kiss
of someone you love too much
Tender is the touch
of someone you hold too dear

Do you still read me?
I wonder...
Maybe you'd understand
maybe you wouldn't..

What we doing this for
there's gotta be more
more than this
more to say

Months fly by
and you're still standing there
Wondering what to do
wondering where to go

Walking forwards
but ending up where you began
Running and running
but stuck where you began