I'm trying to decide between these two poems... which is the better one... PLEASE HELP ME with comments! Oh and the poem is for when the ghost dies... so the boy's sad she's dead and writes a poem for her.
I'd Give It All
Pure white
Bliss in sound and sight
Pure bliss
Through the lonely night
Pure, oh so pure
My feelings for you
Nothing else has ever
Ever been this true
I'd give up forever
to touch you
To love and
to hold you too
Eternity and forever
I'd give it all
I'd give it all
to hear you call
The soft of your lips
the gentle of your fingers
The touch that still
softly lingers
When you left
there was nothing left
Alone again
alone and bereft
You came and you went
too fast
too good
It just didn't last
I told myself
I wanted you forever
now I'll see you
never... never
I kept your toothbrush
In case you thought
I didn’t love or didn’t care
I kept your toothbrush
It’s still right there
If the world’s too cold
Like an endless night
I’ll be your warmth
Your fading light
When you feel alone
Like a shadow on the hill
I’ll be the breeze
That holds you still
The places and the faces
You wish I could see
I’m there though
I don’t seem to be
When the world
Is cruel and unkind
I’ll be there for you
At the back of your mind
When all is false
And there’s nothing to believe
Look for me within
I never did leave
I kept your toothbrush
In case you didn’t know
You can’t see or feel it
Until you need to do so
the other poem I'll be using for sure is :
The one
If I can't be,
your burning sun;
if I can't be
that special one,
then I'll be the wind,
that soothes your soul.
The calm in the air,
that keeps you whole.
I'll be the warmth,
that fills the empty space.
The whisper that puts
smiles on your face.
I'll be the gentle breeze
that dries your tears.
The cleansing air,
that clears your fears.
I'll be the soft echo,
of your tinkling laughter.
The calm before the storm,
and your strength after.
If you ever feel,
no one's there to care.
Close your eyes.
The wind is always there
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
the first ones good for ur story
"i'd give it all" - This one is good for ghost story. It shows his pure love to her, i think it's great with a good starting paragraph.
"I kept your toothbrush" - This one is nice, i like it too. Rarely ppl use toothbrush, but it kinda bring up feelings that he really cares...
"The one" - i like this the most among 3, it's touchy! and great wordings too
thanks
neither is an option too btw
Vince,
i think the first one suites ur movie perfectly..but the second one is nice tooooo..erm erm ok i thin i like the FIRST one better,hehe
I'd give it all- seems like a vey loving poem. I tink you shud use this one.
I kept your toothbrush- I dunno why? But i seem to really like the title of this one. the contents are okies only lar. but it's like it's like the Neyo-So sick song. U know when he kept her voice in the answering mechine to hear her voice. And tooth brush is really good lar, shows that the guy is still waiting for her to come back or something.
The one- Was all right. But if u wan me to choose only one, then i would choose I'd give it all. But the one omre stereotype kind of romancing lar.. =)
Hope my comments are okie. Anything else, come find me? =)
1st one... ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!
=) I have the poem about the tiger or something that you wrote back in the past. still...
i feel the significance in the 2nd poem, but yea like they say, poem 1... I neednt drag people into my depressed mood swings... =)
hahaha
*hugs lil1*
you can drag me any time :)
I'm always here for you
Post a Comment