Confidence restored

Last night was a pretty scary thing for me... Since the debacle at S&S Malaysia last year.. I've not been very confident about my work at all... in terms of writing scripts and plays... yea... I know most of you said it wasn't the scripts fault... but I still feel that if it was a strong enough script it would have pulled through poor actors and a bad director... So I felt the blame was partly mine... if not mostly mine...

My latest script had pretty mixed reactions when I showed it to my friends. I guess the biggest thing to me was that old man and bro didn't like it. Cliched jokes. Cliched writing. And those were among the nicer things my old man and bro said about it!

Imagine how nervous I was when I was about to let a bunch of strangers at LiveShox read it out and then comment on it. People you've never met before, they don't have to pretend to like it. They don't have to mince words.

Wow. This sucks.

Wow. This is the worse crap I've ever read.

Wow. You what a waste of ten minutes of my life.

Yes. My imagination ran wild at the negative comments I would get for the script. Yes. I'm an eternal pessimist! Act surprised at that statement please! ACT LA!!!! =)

When it was almost my turn for my script to be read, I could feel my hands get clammy and sweaty. My stomach felt like it was going to twist itself out of my insides into my outsides! Thats when I text licia.... and she said everything would be ok... that it was a good script and I was worrying too much... I felt a little better... but still nervous as hell....

It was like a wine to my ears... hearing them laugh at the jokes I thought people would think were sick... or lame.... it was music to my ears when people who had a copy of the script were laughing before the readers read the lines... It was close to a multiple orgasm when they expressed shock at the twist at the end... and laughed all the harder....

Looking at the smiles around me... I found myself looking for the one smile.... that mattered most to me... which wasn't there.... and that tainted the moment for me... I wish you were there to watch my rebirth licia... to see my confidence about my writing go throught the ashes and burn brightly again...

Either way... I don't feel so useless anymore =)