Dummies for Writing Email Introductions to your ex gf

Ever felt awkward sending an email? Here's news for you... you're not the only one... All around the world, millions of people are struggling to write emails to friends, loved ones and ex loved ones. My particular interest is in writing to ex loved ones for today's topic. Here's a guide: Dummies for Writing Email Introductions to your ex gf... and no... its not backwards... its exactly how I want the title to be...

So lets say you're writing to some one who dumped you... how do you go about writing the introduction of your email?

1)
Hey bitch
- perhaps apt but diplomacy is a better approach

Hey whore
- who she sleeps with, be it the entire football team, is no longer your business so this is out of the question

Hey you two timing slut
- you've got it wrong... you wanna save this till when she DOESN'T reply your email, then you use this

Hey stranger
- ahh... much better... gives you another chance to nail the bitch and label it as a one night stand!


2)
Who you doing now?
- foreplay! foreplay!

So you're not dead yet?
- too hostile... imagine how scary it would be if she WAS dead and replied to you... don't dig your own grave (lame pun intended)

How are things with you?
- Good good.. appeal to her mind then stroke her tits ego... make her think you actually give a shit how she's doing... even if you don't... but err... if you don't why the fuck are you emailing her?

3)
Wanna play hide the salami?
- no wonder she's your bloody ex... you freakin sex addict!

I've been watching you
- Whoa... the whole 'Every Step You Take' thing died... Thus its 'I'll Be Missing You' now! Drop the stalker intentions!

What are you wearing now?
-Girls NEVER dress sexy for the sake of of being sexy alone... so you're likely to get a 'T-Shirts and last weeks panties' for a reply... are you sure you want to put yourself through that horrible imagery?

Its been a while, how have you been?
- Yes! Yes! YES! said Meg Ryan... you've hit the G spot with this. Pretend to care (see 1) for more information) how she is doing... at least make her feel guilty enough to read the rest of your self absorbent pathethic excuse of a email!

Here on ways you can talk about pretty much what ever you want... you've gotten her attention now... so its time to dish out the dirt! Have fun writing emo emails...

This concludes our lesson in Dummies for Writing Email Introductions to your ex gf... If you don't feel like a dummy after you've written it... wait a while... or a little longer... or perhaps forever... cause she ain't replying your lame ass back! Have fun!