Muhibah?

Racial harmony? Racial integration? What are my thoughts on it? Bitter. I'm in a rather special position in society you see. I do not belong in any of the major or minor races in society. I am of mixed racial descent. I am Chinese Indian. Or Chindian, as the society prefers to refer to me as. Kopi susu, Chikeling, Kelingchina; the racial slurs go on endlessly. Fun stuff isn’t it, having ridiculous nicknames for your racial descent? I think not.

Anyway I rather think of myself as a hybrid, or even an outcast rather than a specific race. The fact is I don't belong with the Chinese and I don't belong with the Indians. I look Malay but do not speak a word of Bahasa Malaysia. I’m in between worlds and that’s the truth of it. Truth to tell, I don’t fancy being labeled as any race.

In our society, we have prejudices against each race. The Chinese are hardworking business men that only care about money. The Indians are todi-drinking wife-beaters; who drive trucks. The Malays are just plain lazy and prefer doing stunts on their two thousand dollar motorbikes to anything remotely constructive. With images like this, would anyone in their right mind choose to be labeled as one of these races?

Sadly the answer would be yes. The reason? People feel a need to conform to society. Deviancy if frowned upon. If you do not belong to a class, you do not belong to society.

We hear fairy tale stories of the cultural mixing pot that Malaysia is. Intermarriages between the races and abundant peace and harmony amongst the different races. But is this really the case?

When my parents got married, both their families objected strongly to the marriage. It came to a point where there were threats of disowning them from their families. Being carefree and spirited, as people who are in love always are, they got married anyway. Is this racial integration? This intense condemnation of a marriage between two different races in our country, I think not.

My father would often speak of the Chinese in a disparaging manner. One of his favorite anecdotes was, ‘When a man truly smiles, he smiles from his eyes. That is why you will never really see a Chinaman truly smile.’ Or he’d make fun of my grand mother on my mother’s side, telling me not to grow up to be ‘an old crone selling flowers on a ferry boat.’ My mother was equally critical of the Indians. ‘If you don’t study hard you’ll grow up to be a rubber taper or a lorry driver.’

A confusing environment to grow up in? Yes, to say the least. Perhaps my family background is not the best environment to have grown up in. Surely our wonderful Malaysia has people who are open minded and open to racial integration.

I remember growing up in Malacca, and being brought up in an all-Chinese monastery. Even then there was a feeling of being out of place. The children were wary of me because I was different from them. And they asked about my ‘black’ father. I’d shrug off questions like that most of the time, but still it stayed in my mind.

Please bear in mind this was in kinder garden, so surely older children or teenagers are more mature and more open to the concept of the mixing pot. In my experience, the answer is yet again no.

In primary school, a mixed racial environment, the segregation between the races was distressingly apparent. Distressing because I simply did not know which group I belonged to. The Chinese played with the Chinese, the Indians hung out with the Indians and the Malays did nothing with their fellow Malays. I literally wished I could split myself into two and see which of the two groups would accept me better.

In the end, I choose to mix with the Chinese. Firstly, I was brought up by my Chinese grandmother. (She had eventually given in to the idea that her youngest daughter had chosen an Indian for a husband and that there was nothing she could do about it any more.) So I was fluent in Cantonese.

Secondly, there were more of them, so the chances of one of them accepting me would be higher. Full acceptance was not to come; however, I was to them, an Indian who spoke fluent Cantonese.

But that was primary school! Secondary school is where the minds begin to develop and people truly begin to mature physically and mentally. Yup, things developed alright, into greater segregation. I wasn’t here much for high school, as I went over seas (but that is a different story all together), but it was pretty much the same as high school.

So here I am. An adult now! Are adults any more into the whole mixing pot thing? Well to an extent yes, people are more tolerant of racial differences. I have close friends of all races. And we hang out together and have fun. But still the racial differences are emphasized even though in jest.

Jokes about my friend Azan being a lazy Malay come into play. Me being an Indian bugger, and my friend Ming Han being a penny pinching scrooge all happen regularly at the talks we have at the mamaks. So, to an extent there is integration, albeit an uneasy one.

However, when it comes to dating their daughters, it’s a whole new ball game. I’m halve Indian, halve Chinese. The Chinese don’t want an Indian dating their daughter, and the Indians don’t want a Chinese dating their daughter.

It’s a social nightmare for me to be frank. Finding a girlfriend is a regular pain in the ass. It’s not just the parents who are wary. I’ve over heard a classmate in college saying that mixed babies are born stupid. I must be a fine specimen of that I suppose.

I’ve learned over the years that Muhibah, is an ideal, one that our country is striving to achieve. At this point in time, there maybe acceptance of unity between the major races, but as for the ‘half breeds’ like me, its hard in coming.

I’ve learned to take this as a challenge rather than a limitation. After all what is life without challenges? ‘Pariah’ signing off.