Myth? Mysteriously boring??

Watched the myth today. Honestly, if I didn't have company I would have fallen asleep. The storyline is tedious and pretty slow moving. Heck me and the person both agreed that it would have been a better movie if they had just stuck to the flashbacks instead of inserting boring modern day scenes.

The movie has two timelines. One based during the Qin dynasty if I'm not mistaken. Here a general is escorting a concubine back to the royal palace. Obviously they fall in love. For no reason that I could perceive. But its a movie eh? Anything can happen. The second timeline is the modern timeline where the general has been reincarnated. He is an archaeologist (spelling?) who is slowly regaining his memory of his past life.

I must admit the soldier uniforms and horses and all the action in the past timeline did catch a wow or two from me. That was pretty impressive. Then again, after watching the likes of 'Braveheart' and 'The last samurai' the impressiveness is quite mediocre after all.

Its Jackie Chans usual blend of comedy action. Lots of laughs for well choreographed fight scenes. The storyline and ending leave much wanting though if you ask me. As usual at the end of the movie, the bloopers are shown. Some of them hilarious to an extreme... others which just look awfully painful!

All in all an average movie. On hindsight, if not for the perfect company I had, I would have refused to pay my RM 10.00 for the movie!

Bad drivers.

So how many of you thought woman driver when I said bad driver? I'm sure around half of you did!

Its a sad case our Malaysian driving and traffic system. From the very start to the end there is so much that is left wanting.

The phrase 'Where did you get your license from? The supermarket?' hits the nail on the head. You don't necessarily have to be able to drive at all to get a driving license in Malaysia. All you need to do is pass the testor some money for a coffee or 'kopi money' as it is more commonly known. Coffee? 200 bucks for a coffee? With 200 bucks you could probably get close to a month in coffees from some where posh like Coffee Bean and Starbucks.

The whole system is so freaking corrupt that it is laughable. There is no doubt that bribes will be accepted. Parents/ people learning to drive, rarely ask their instructors if it is possible to bribe their way through the exam. Instead they as HOW MUCH a bribe will cost!

Thats probably why we have drivers who do not know a damn thing about the rules of the road. Women drive as if they own the road and men drive as if they want to become a part of the road. Its ridiculous.

I recall this one time trying to turn into a one way street. There was a car on the wrong side of the road who actually honked me. Whats this? I'm on the RIGHT side of the road and she's blasting her horn at me. She even went as far as to wind down her window and say 'Oi! Now chinese school finish, this one way street is the opposite from the sign shows.' Can you beat that! People changing the rules because it suits them. Again I ask where did you buy your license from.

Nowaday women drivers are even more agressive then men drivers. I recall being on the fast lane and doin 120 or so, which is ALREADY above the speed limit. Then this Mercedes tailgates me and starts flashing and honking. So I move to the side. To my shock I saw a middle aged woman driving, with her son right next to her. Don't play play. Equal rights my foot. Women not only have equal rights now, they have EXTRA rights as well!

The other thing about us Malaysian drivers is that we are probably the most 'kepoh' (nosy) drivers in the world. Any thing from a car thats broken down to a massive road accident, we slow down or even stop to see! Most of the time you get caught in the jam for hours, only to find out that some truck has broken down or some one's been in an accident. After passing that part, the road is smooth flowing again.

Kiasu - or hate to lose, is another trait of our local drivers. Their time is always more precious than the other person's. Which is why they take illegal drives down the emergency lane to speed up their own journey but literally slow other people down to a crawl. Don't even think about cutting in, us Malaysians don't 'give chance'! I've been in this lane so long why should I let you move in front of me?

So we look to the traffic police to ensure that the laws are enforced and some semblance of sanity takes place in our roads. Of course they live up to our expectations. Our expectations of a corrupt and shitty law enforcement body that is. It is as cheap as 20 bucks to 'smooth' your way out of a summons. All the time the cop would be asking you : 'Apa macam?' (How now?)

Then when you pay them off, the next thing they say is 'Encik ya bagi, saya tak mintak ya!' (You gave it to me, I didn't ask for it!)

Pathethic. No wonder there are so many freakin accidents and bad drivers around.

Been a while huh?

been quite a while since I posted anything up. Lack of things to whine talk about I guess. One thing that caught my attention today was how people were using sex to sell their blogs.

I mean seriously, sex does sell your product; but its oh so tacky. Kinda cheap too. I wonder if people who can't help but use the word f*** between every other adjective or verb justs portrays their lack of skill using the language. A lack of vocabulory to express themselve without using conventional swear words.

Its amazing how people spend 3/4 of the time inserting cuss words and just 1/4 of the sentence or less is content or a point they want to make. Maybe its some kinda psychological release for people who can't swear without being sent to bed in real life. Jokes aside its kinda sad don't you think?

Worse still are those who keep writing explicit and crude sexual innuendos or even plain light porn in their blogs. *shakes head* I seriously don't get it.

Well anyway, my topic for today is simply about my new pet hate. I hate the word 'TRY'

Heres what people REALLY mean when they use this awful word.


Its okay, you TRIED your best.
You're forgiven because your pathethic efforts just aren't up to mark. But that was expected anyway.

We are not receiving a response from the number you have dialed. Please TRY again later.
You girlfriend/boyfriend is probably on the phone with their lover. Try calling when they're done with their phone sex session.


If first you don't succeed, TRY and TRY again.
If you mess up, keep going and keep failing. Watching you crash and burn so often is highly amusing.

I'm TRYING to understand you.
I have no freaking idea what your tiny brain and inferior intellect is attempting to get me to understand.

Why don't you TRY it out.
This stuff is illegal and lethal, give it a go and see if you die or get arrested.

I can't promise you that but I will TRY to.
I'm probably not going to do what you ask, but I'll pretend to shut you up.

Maybe you're TRYING too hard.
You dumbass. Can't you take no for an answer?

Thank you for TRYING.
Zero points for accomplishment but fool full marks for stupidity

See! Trying is such a horrible world. Don't ya think so too?

Don't blame me for boring posts. I'm bloody tired and TRYING my best.

Dobberman bait?!

Things are looking a bit hectic at the moment. So can't really post or write much. Will do when I have more time.

Any way, can you imagine this innocent looking pup trying to take on a Dobberman? I can. Heck, I don't have to imagine, I saw it!

I was walking her yesterday when this friendly white lady went 'Awww so cuteee!'. Baby being her regular guard dog self (sarcasm) , took to the stranger immediately. Hopping to lick and say hello to the white lady.

I heard some grunts and growls. A bit too loud for my lil pup. When I looked carefully there was a HUGE and I mean HUGE Dobberman in the white lady's house.

Instead of being even mildly afraid, she hopped on to her hind legs and ran towards the Dobberman.

One word.

!!!!! PANIC !!!!!

I didn't want my lil pup to become Dobberman bait. Luckily there was a gate in the way. To be frank I'm not sure if the other dog was just being friendly. But hell, it was HUGE. He might squash baby by accident even. Hell if the dog broke wind in her direction the poor pup would be sent flying. She however was completely fearless. Which is okay. Since I had enough fear for BOTH of us.

Dobberman's are known to be a very unfriendly species bred specifically to bite tresspassers and thieves where it hurts. I sure as hell didn't want to end up a dobberman sandwich. Gosh. If I were a sandwich baby would be like a tidbit to that HUGE dog.

Thankfully nothing happened. I learned my lesson though. Never talk to strange white ladies who say 'AWwww so cute!'.

As you can see my pup tried to say that her owner is afraid of beer.



So I had to fix that.



Yup... much better

9 - 5.30 bores the hell outta me

Boredom can kill. Seriously. I’m so dead bored now it is unbelievable. The first day at the office has left me with little to do. Actually nothing to do so far. I’ve spent more time staring into space than doing anything constructive.
Good la! I hear your Malaysian spirit cry. You get paid for nothing. I so do NOT want to be paid for nothing. When theres nothing to do, the hours REALLY REALLY crawl. Its barely 2pm now. I have another 3.5 hours to go. To survive even. Its NOT FUN sitting and staring into space.
Staring into space causes me to daydream a lot. Mostly about other things I would rather be doing than what I’m stuck doing. These daydreams make me even MORE bored. Cause they highlight what fun things I could be doing instead of counting the tiles on the ceiling… again!
Everyone seems to be doing their own thing. I can’t remember anyones name apart from my boss and his secretary. I’ve never been good with names or faces. God even the stuff I write when I’m bored is boring. How on earth do people survive these 9-5 jobs? Surely not those where you have nothing to do for sure. No one can survive on of these things.
I’m pretty sure one of these days I’mma look back at this blog entry and curse. Nothing to do? I have no time to breathe now! Well at least I hope that I’ll do that. Cause another week of nothing to do and I may very well become insane!

Wow... I've written quite a bit here

78 pages on my Mircosoft word. I never realised I wrote so much. Thats enough for a little book already! I was just backing up my writing in case blogger dies or something, at least I have back ups. 78 pages! I'm like wow. I sure ramble a lot :D

Today's post is a short one. I have work tommorow. So I need to prepare stuff. Iron clothes. Buy new shoes. That sorta thing. I might be hardworking and write something up later. Have a few ideas running around in my head.

Till then. TTFN. (Ta Ta For Now)

Daydreams

Daydreams are for wimps and losers.

That being said. Here's mine.

'The wind blew gently across the lawn. The sun was high in the sky, signalling its dominance over the land. A land full of greenery... and... ??? ... ??? puppies????

Hundreds of little puppies stamping their tiny paws. Running here and there. The ground shook with a distant rumble. A rumble all too familiar to the old couple who live in Pupland. Which was named Pupland... because of the puppies! Duh!

The oldest couple in the street, A and B. Named A and B, because C and D were copyrighted. Apparently some smart ass named his invention CD. The nerve of some people stealing ideas even before they are made. Tsk.. tsk... Anyway, they're named A and B, cause some other idiot took A & W. Thats a whole new rant all together, so don't ask me why they're called A and B. People these days have no orginality whatsover.

Moving on swiftly. This old couple were sun drying their hides. Yes, after you reach a certain age, your skin becomes extra thick. Little things don't embarass you. So its no longer considered 'skin'. Its considered a hide. Umm, like I was saying, the old couple were sunning their hides. Okay... okay, they were sun bathing.

Maybe they were sunbathing hoping that the sun would burn away some of their wrinkly bits. You see if it burned away ALL their wrinkly bits, there'd be nothing left of them. YES! They were THAT old.

The nice thing about this couple was that their wrinkles were mostly smile lines. Sure there were other lines too. Giggle lines, Grin lines. Laugh lines. Mostly happy sorta lines. There were some lines, if you looked REALLY REALLY hard, that weren't so happy. But that was a very very very long time ago. Way before the comets wiped out chinese schools and traffic jams. ( :D )

So A, the lady of the couple. Don't ask me why A is the female. Females by nature are dominating and like being the higher grade. So I gave this one to her. Oh great, now you've done it. You've sparked another one of those terrible questions. 'Do you love me enough to let me be A?'

Heres the answer. 'Honey I love you enough for you to be ALL the articles, 'A', 'an' and 'the' even!'

I'm so kind I could kick myself some times. No need for help :) Thanks for the thought tho.

Any way A was sipping her ice lemon tea and enjoyin sunning herself. She did perspire a little. Yes perspire. Only men and pigs sweat btw. Amazing how pigs managed that. After all they have no sweat glands. Perhaps this balances out the fact that men are ALL glands. Lets not go into detail on that one.

As I was saying before you interrupted, A was perspiring and baking under the sun, when a bunch of yelping occured.

'Hun, baby is at it again,' said A.

B of course being male, was fast asleep. We're immune to sounds and noise when we rest. And we rest when ever we damn well please. Well, ALMOST all noise.

'HOI! BABY IS MISBEHAVING AGAIN.' said the noise. I mean said A.

Anyone else noticed how 'Honey' was abbreviated to 'HOI' in this particular instance. This is not due to unnecessary anger or aggression. A was merely being considerate. B after all was a little older than she. His hearing was not all it used to be. Thus, 'HOI' effectively is a shorter and louder sound that B could hear clearly.

*sigh*

What a loving couple.

'Whats the bitch monster dog up to this time?' grumbled B. Old men are by nature cranky. The strikeouts are not because we were censoring. It was merely B being considerate to his lady's tastes and mumbling under his breath. Okay.. okay... so like most men, the old man was muttering to avoid his lady hearing and him getting a nagging.

'She's chasing the pups away from her toys again.' said A.

'Oh thats nice dear.' said B tactfully. Truthfully, in hope that A would drop the topic.

'Go stop her! Thats NOT nice! The poor puppies,' said A hitting new octaves as she spoke.

Women tend to do that. The higher the tone of voice they take, the clearer the sign of how upset they are. God was kind to men in that sense; when it comes to understanding women. Not so kind to our ear drums though if you ask me.

Grumbling the man went to greet his disobedient mutt. Mean while, A continued feeding their grandchild, Nicole, milk from the bottle.'

Hundreds of puppies. Grand children to love. And my lady. Thats my daydream.

:)

Puppy Blues part II

Well my pup has been growing. As has her mischief list. I once made the freudian slip of saying of calling her the master of the house. In many ways, she damn well is. :(


Two vets and me holding you down to clip your nails is ridiculous.

Biting the door frames will swifly result in mommy showing you the door.

Just because you have strong teeth now doesn't mean you need to remind us with a nibble every now and then.

Just because Juggie bites you back when you bite him, doesn't mean you can bite me n mommy for revenge.

All the yelping in the world won't save you when you've bitten mommy on her toe.

When I say sit, I mean on the floor; not on my face.

Running out of the house at light speed into the roads and forcing me to run barefooted and half naked through the streets is not amusing me.

There is a place for you to poop. Use it. At worst use Juggie's room.

Jumping high is good. Jumping bloody high is scary. Don't give me a heart attack everytime I find you at the top of my monitor or on top of the dinning table. I'm old.

You leave your poop and pee around half the house. Please don't leave your fur in the other half.

Toys are supposed to last for months, not seconds. Get a freakin attention span already!

You're allowed to sit quietly. Theres no need to be hyperactive 24 hours a day. There's no rule in the doggy heaven book against that. At least theres DEFINITELY no rule against that in the master's handbook.

Not all visitors share my love for you. Jumping and licking them only scares the hell out of them. Be grateful I've managed to stop you from being kicked so far.

Licking some ones toes, then going for my face is a major no no. If I ever get althetes foot on my face, I'll know where to aim my vacuum cleaner.

Tripping mommy over the stairs results in a scolding. For ME! After the natterings about not training you properly, be sure that the newspaper will visit your bottom with impact!

Mommy is a bit slow. When she squeals in what she thinks is a cute baby voice, bear with her. Mistaking her for a dying rodent doesn't mean you can put her out of her misery with a chomp.

When we mix your regular food with meat treats, for heavens sake, PRETEND to eat SOME of the regular food. Don't divide out the treat and eat only that.

As people grow older, they mellow down. I SURE AS HELL HOPE THAT APPLIES TO YOU TOO!

I love my puppy... :D

2000!

Wow that was fast. In around 3 months theres been 2000 visits to this site. I know its not exactly kennysia / xiaxue calibre but heck thanks for the reading guys. I'm pretty happy to know theres people who actually like reading the crap stuff that I write!

Well thanks again :D

I'm so knackered

Being out of shape sucks. I know round is a shape but its a shape that doesn't allow you to exercise very well thats for sure!

My knees and ankles ache like hell. Must the extra 9kg. I just want to apologise to all the fat people who have felt insulted from reading my blog entries.

'I'm sorry you're fat and felt insulted by reading my blog entries'.


See, now I don't deserve to go to hell. Whatcha mean even hell wouldn't take me?

Seriously though, this has kinda given me an insight to how overweight people might feel. I'm by no means over weight, perhaps even still a tad underweight. But the extra pounds really pack a punch. You feel sluggish, slow and uncoordinated when you move.

I was told that I looked like a pregnant woman. Its wind lar! I swear it. No beer belly. No fat pouch. Just plain wind.

*eats baked beans anxiously to prove point*

Old age catchs up with all of us I guess. But at 25 I am BARELY old okay! No yu-chan... I just SEEM ancient. Most of my bits work fine and nothing's rotting off yet. Thus, I'm still reasonably young. Heck they make sitcoms about 20 somethings like me. Misguided, pseudo humoruous and definately misfits of society.

A wise man, probably a woman if you asked me, said that for men, biologically its downhill all the way from 18. Cause your hormone levels only fall after that age and never peak again. Yes. Definately a woman.

Theres a saying that goes, 'Men are like fine wine, and they taste better as they age.'

Who the heck would want to 'taste' a wrinkly 100 year old dude. Dumbest saying I've ever heard to be honest. Man if we're gonna use some adatage to make ourselves feel better, at least let it be one that makes some sense.

Like

'The fireplace maybe old, but the fires still burns.'
(This ones been used a lot I guess.)

'If wrinkles were horses, I'd be rich and have a herd(s?).'

'I'm not old, I'm a recycled teenager'
(ok ok... so this one I didn't come up with myself... tm'ed even by whoever did)

'Youth is like running uphill, wisdom is sweet downhill all the way'
(some how this one isn't very reassuring, 'senility' could replace 'wisdom' pretty easily in this sentence)

'That's not old. That's young challenged'

and of course, my personal favorite :

'So what if I'm old, you're fat (and?) ugly'

Going to hell you said? See you there. You laughed too ;)

Interesting site...

http://yourguysxxxposed.blogspot.com/ (thanks to yy for telling me about the site)

For those over hormonalised amongst you gentleman, beware. Theres a grope group of ladies going around posing a cyber sex targets. What you get as you can see from the website is a rather humiliating experience. You get some weird ass situation that they put you in (the one about breast feeding is classical), that group of people laughing at you, and even worse, published on the website as a perv.

I for one never quite got the thrill of cyber sex. Whats the big deal about a bunch of words? Might as well read a book or something. Half the time the people can BARELY speak coherent english, let alone write well enough to be termed pseudo erotic. Us male species must be getting really desparate. Either that or evolution is screwing around with our sexual desires and hormonal rates.

This in a sense does make sense. Since there is obviously a lower men to women ratio, so mother nature kicks up our hormones a few gears to make sure enough pro-creation takes place. Thus, the already horny species of mankind is now even hornier!

Its pretty pathethic tho. With that lower ratio, you think that men would be able to get girl friends easier. Or wives even. Then they wouldn't have to resort to some internet sleaze and madame hand and her 5 daughters. Whats even weirder is when people who ARE married or who DO have girlfriends, still opt for the internet fling.

This is completely beyond my understanding! Is there some kind of thrill exchanging pornographic language with some stranger over the net. For all you know that person may be the ugliest person you will ever smell. Worse still. It might be another dude looking for kicks. I shudder to think of it.

Anonymous sex. A friend said theres something animalistic about it that is attractive. Something that is completely base and ... well dirty that turns her on. Yes. Occasionally there ARE women who actually turn up on the otherside of the fence. And no, I won't give names or introduce you. =P

She said that there was something attractive just being possesed by a complete stranger. Knowing that no emotions or feeling were involved. Just sex. That there was a kind of freedom. Before you go throwing names like 'slut' or anything else derogatory, understand that different people have different perspectives and needs. And please respect them even if you do not agree with them.

To me, the whole issue is a puzzle to me.At the tender... okay... not so tender age of 25, I'm pretty much exhausted hunting for a life partner or even a girl friend. And I definately can't imagine having sex with some one just for kicks.

What would you say after? What would you say before? Nothing I'm told. Just shut up and do your thing as she explained to me.

So no conversation, no cuddling, no kissing. Where the hell is the fun in that? This kind of contact is what reassures you and builds on your esteem. Imagine if you slept with some one and all they did was roll over for a smoke, then dressed and left. Or worse still. Left 100 bucks on the table and leave!

And this is anonymous sex we're talking about. Not even the cyber sex crap where the only contact you have... is umm... with yourself!

Puzzle puzzle puzzle. Perhaps people are a lot more desparate and have a lot lower self esteem than I think. What else could drive them towards a cyber shag, or an anonymous shag? A sense of adventure?

I would never ever consider it adventure to be honest. God knows what you can catch in this day and age of HIV and STDs. Condoms are 99% safe. Theres still that 1 freakin percent. A risk I rather take buying the lottery rather than finding my male bits falling off or worse.

Maybe I'm just getting old. Cyber sex? Can eat?

Lick Hung Chinese school parents

Dear God. The parents from this chinese school are insane. There are around 5 thousand + students in the school. Each and EVERY single parent insists on appearing at the door step of the school to chauffer their kid home. Thats like 5000+ cars in a small and narrow road. It took me 1.5 hours to get from one end of the road to another.

1.5 hours!

Do you have any idea how much I could have done in 1.5 hours?

I could have watched a movie.
I could have wrote an article.
I could have written numerous stories.
I could have played pool.

Heck there are so many I could have's I don't even want to continue listing them down.

This school is so popular, and supposedly up market that people are actually buying houses and moving into the area so that their kids can study there. They start tuition at the tender age of 7! SEVEN! Thank god I'm all grown up. I can't imagine going to tuition at the age of seven.

Furthermore, the kids all have crew cuts. The girls have ear length hair more or less and the boys have little hair. This prevents anyone from being jealous of someone else's look or hairdo. It also emasculates any sense of individuality if you ask me. This school doesn't produce good students. It produces GREAT robots!

If wish I had a digital camera. Then I could take a photograph and show ya'll how insane the traffic jam is in the first place. It took like 3 minutes to move half a yard. Thats practically crawling pace. The entire journey from my house to the school is probably less than 500 metres. And it took 1.5 hours! I'm so damn speechless.

Walking home would definately have been faster. I don't understand why they send their precious little tykes to school if they're gonna have to camp outside when the children finish school.

Let them take the BUS for goodness sake. Or heaven forbid.... LET THEM WALK! Oh. My. God. I said it. LET THEM WALK! But but, their kid could get kidnapped, raped and chopped into tiny pieces.

In that case, why not hire personal bodyguards for them. Yes. Each child should have their own body guard. Perhaps even their own radius alarm system. Should anyone inflitrate that radius, the police station should be alerted immediately.

Why stop there? Kids need to protect themselves right? Buy your child fire arms rights. You should be so much more at ease knowing your child is packing metal when he's walking home. If any one tries to screw around with him, the kid can simply just blow him away. Quite literally.

See! So many solutions to the situation, rather than cost poor innocent road users, who get caught in the maelstorm that is after chinese school hours a huge ass traffic jams.

That or parents could send their kids on the school bus or let them walk home. But hell... I think the firearms, personal security and radius alarms are more likely to happen.

Multi Lingual Computer People

What on earth is wrong with you computer people??? Just look at this list from the top of my head:

1. Java

2. Java script

3. perl

4. SGM

5. XHTML

6. UDP

7. TCP

8. IP

9. HTML

ARGGHHH ANY MORE of these initials and I will GO INSANE.. WHATS WRONG WITH U COMPUTER PEOPLE??? Make one language and stick to it damnit. My ppoooorrrrr brain so much space is gonna be wasted for this crap that I will never use again...

Seriously. So many languages. Can't some genius just standardise everything in some great giant Programming for Super Dummies book or something. Just looking at the names let alone finding out what some of these things function for gives me a stupendous head ache.

I can hear some of you saying 'Hey its not so bad! Come here and I'll explain to you what they mean.'

BEGONE! GO! GO! AWAY WITH THOU!

I seriously refuse to learn multiple languages to converse with a piece of hardware or software even. Thats just PLAIN SAD. When some one asks, 'So how many languages do you speak' Do you computer people snort and giggle while answering '16.. Pearl, XHMTL, Java... etc (insert more computechtalk here)'. The poor bloke would probably shake his head and this this techie needs to be disected from his computer.

If its not bad enough that there are three zillion languages that us non techie people have to figure out. Imagine my frustration when I hear conversations like this :

'So what OS are you running?'

'Me? I run a winblow and a linsux.'

'Wahh! both OS'es ar!' (please insert cyber orgasm here)

I find out OS means operating system. Fair enough more tech talk. Winblow and Linsux? If were're not confused enough, they decided to give their own little pet names to the OS'es. Winblows is windows and Linsux is Linux. Where do you draw the line? How many headaches will you visit upon us non techies???

Computers are complicated creatures, I hear you drool. But aren't humans as well? How many languages do 'WE' speak? Definately not 1 million and three hundred and fifty six!

So I say

'STANDARDISE!' STANDARDISE!'

And save a non techie some brain space and short term memory. Heaven forbid it goes into your long term memory. *shudder*

The hotseat

Sometimes friends can be SO cruel... thats CAPITAL

C R U E L



This dude had one too many. His friends decided to put him in a hot seat. A different kinda of hot seat from the one I want to talk about though. I think this hot seat is more painful and possibly lethal.

The hotseat I want to talk about is in my baby car. Mini terror I like to call her. As you know I like things in small packages. I'm a firm believer of good things come in small packages!

This is my ride. As in a picture of the same car type. CLICK ME to donate digi camera.



I'm not gonna go into how many cow power or moron litres that my lil car can pack or has packed. All I know is her hotseat treatment packs a nasty punch! My buddy and I were having a drink at the local coffee shop. When we were done, we headed back to the car. I think he insinuated that my car was small.

Oh! Big mistake! She has napolean syndrome. (Little car with big personality... i.e. gets cranky like a woman PMS'ing when refered to as small)

Cold shoulder treatment? No way! She's brought it up a notch. To show her displeasure, she gave him the 'HOT SEAT' treatment. Like her owner she's a closet S&M junkie methinks. Upon sitting down, I hear my buddy squealing 'HOT HOT HOT!' fanning his butt frantically! My seat was perfectly cool and fine.

Voila the hotseat treatment. My mini terror strikes again!

I bet that left an impression. HAH! Or perhaps a few boils even eh Mingy? *Grins*

Don't mess with my little terror tho. When her owner has been in a less than sober state, she's kept up with some big timers. I remember tailgating a perdana, a waja and even a mercedes. I hate it when people think because they drive a larger car they can push my lil terror around. She's not too fond of it either. So many times I've had to stop her from kicking their butts with her bumper. Oh wait. That was the alcohol not my car!

Little car with a big heart. Some one once asked me to convert my car into a gas guzzling turbo engine'd one. As if I don't get into enough accidents without the extra help! No thanks man. I like to keep my car mostly intact. Same goes with my body. The important bits should be attached to the main frame. The car ... AND my body that is.

The beauty of this poor man's mini cooper is that it fits almost anywhere! Parking is almost never a problem. This pays soooo much when you get conned into going into those stupidly packed shopping complexes.

No parking? No problem.

Just park on the curb. You're too um... big challenged to cause an obstruction.

Not to mention the fun you have weaving in and out like a needle when the freakin streets of Malaysia are jammed. Which is like 23/7. I'll leave an hour out to be safe. There are the occassional oddities when the roads are clear.

I can't imagine why people drive auto cars. Like my mom's Kembara. Its like a mobile tissue box. It roars like hell but refuses to move. Like one of those angry bulls who are too damn lazy to move no matter how hard you pull at her nose ring.

I like my car. Incase you didn't get the idea by now ;)

*~New blogsite~*

Yes, the stars are girly and tacky. Totally unsuited to the vile content of this malfunctional blog of mine. :D

Truth is I'm semi-keeping a promise and making a new blog site for my stories. This way I keep mush from my evil site. So thats where I get to post my mush poems and raving for lack of a home for my heart too. Thus this webspace effectively converts into what it was meant to be in the first place, my evil (albeit humorous) alter-ego. Vince with a 3. As in Vinc3, you nit wit.

The other webbie is a collection of stories I've written for children as Bince. Uncle Bince if you insist on unnecessary details. So if you like kids, pop me a read and tell me what you think.

Most of the stuff there is published or waiting publication. So obviously there are copyright issues. DO NOT RIP OFF MY WORK.

This is against my better judgement. But well. Heck it.

http://mahstories.blogspot.com/

Stupid Crazy People - part II

So here's part two. Yes. I realise its not quite as funny as it should be. What can I say? I'm trying hard. Its hard writing with a piece of you missing.
__________

So apart from the screaming and hysteria the lady in the toilet cooked up, I also had huge problems with my own gender not using their intelligence.

There is a very huge sign on the door which states:

KNOCK BEFORE YOU ENTER!

Apparently this was one syllable too many this group of people to understand. Without fail, when ever I was in a shower, one or two morons would walk in on me. I tell ya, this annoyed me to no end. How on earth are you supposed to take a comfy hot shower in the constant fear that some moron would walk in and give you a cheesy apology... AFTER looking you up and down.

Seriously. These people are so stupid that it was scary.

As a final resort, I placed a dirty towel on the door knob. Hoping that if the sign did not work, the towel would give the message that the shower was occupied. This worked amazingly well. Super amazingly well.

As I took my shower, I heard someone say in Malay 'Mamat mana yang bodoh sangat tertingal tuala kat sini?' (this translates to : 'Which idiot was so stupid to leave his damn towel here?) and the door opened. Oh IRONY .... thy sharp wit doth rend my soul apart....

Not ONE person. A group of 5 people who were running to the toilet to steal a smoke. I can tell you this much. I got so fed up i threw my shampoo, soap and anything else that was within grasping range. Well almost anything that was in grasping range. I kept my towel. Needed to maintain what tiny shreds of modesty I had left after all.

Assuming there is ANY modesty left after 5 morons with a bunch of ciggies see you buck bloody naked.

It stings

I don't quite know whats broken but somethings not quite working inside. I know I'm hurting but I'm not sure why or how its hurting.

This is super short and super emotional... but I'm seriously out of words for now. I'm seriously sorry to those of you who do enjoy reading my crap. I'll be back when I can. Right now I don't feel so sure of myself and I don't feel so funny. Not in that way any way.

Some thing broke
and I don't know where
all I can do
is sit and stare.

Somethings missing
but I can't figure out what
Something hurting
some where close to the heart.

When did you go
and when did you leave
Can some one tell me when
I can feel relieved

Cause everythings messed up
and screwed around
I'm feeling so bad
feeling so damn down

It feels like you're here
but you're already gone
You left prints on my heart
which are barely worn

Where did you go?
Why did you go?
I don't understand
even though I do know.

It makes no sense to me
It doesn't feel real
It makes no sense to me
the pain I feel.

You weren't the first
but I wanted you to be the last
My future and present
that took over the past.

I know I love you
and I know this too
I loved then
and my love is still true

I hate my writing... it barely expresses a tenth of what I feel right now.

Ban morons from posting opinions on the net

In my honest point of view, people are born stupid. The more talented ones are born brainless. This guy I just read is seriously the best talent I've seen in years. I'd love to post his little website here for you people to read, but I have friends feelings to consider. So instead I'll just fume at the fact morons are morons and the fact that people get away with ridiculous prejudices. I'd love to meet some one like this in real life and talk to them. Cut their freaking ego down to size and perhaps grow a cell or two of intelligence into their thick skull.

If you want the web address email me or msg me on MSN. THAT I can do.

In defence of women

[ Brian] said:
last time my friend wanted me to go shoping with her
[ Brian] said:
*sees her run here and there through every inch of every store*
[ Brian] said:
=.=" thoughts(my feet hurt)

Vince - Ball time soon - said:
ahhahaa

[ Brian] says:
they refuse to take the easy way

Vince - Ball time soon - says:
of course not
Vince - Ball time soon - says:
shopping is a sport!
Vince - Ball time soon - says:
the easy way is cheating!

So how many agree disagree? If only I knew how to make polls here. Post a comment!

Women....

I'm sure you've read this before... but I've rewritten it for the pure pleasure of wasting a post. Bite me. Not too hard though... I bruise easy.

Day 1 : God created the light. God saw it was good and God rested.
Day 2 : God created night and day. God saw it was good and God rested.
Day 3 : God created the oceans. God saw it was good and God rested.
Day 4 : God created mountains. God saw it was good and God rested.
Day 5 : God created plants. God saw it was good and God rested.
Day 6 : God created animals. God saw it was good and God rested.
Day 7 : God created man. God saw it was good and God rested.
Day 8 : God made women.


....



....

Neither God nor man have rested since.

Hey is there anything
That’s inside of me
Left of what was and
what used to be

I wonder now
Sitting here alone
What I did wrong
What I can do to atone

Shattered dreams
Endless nightmares
Angry voices
Disappointed stares

Is this who you are
Is this what you are
Empty inside
Like a dead star

Where did
your easy laughter go
That used to shake your body
from head to toe

Are these frowns
the new you?
The tears sadness
and anger too?

Is there anything
left of me there?
Not one bit.
No one cares.

I'm lazy to type up lotsa new stuff so I'mma post up some more old stuff. :D

Stupid Crazy People

For those of you who aren't aware, I had a mental collapse of sorts for the past two weeks. A lil bit of stress kinda knocked me over on the head. Coupled with a fall down a flight of steps; I was pretty much out of action. So I went to a ward to recover.

What do you get when you get a bunch of people, (mostly nuts who are unhinged and there resting to recover as well) three working toilets and no locks.

You get H E L L.

Or H E A V E N .

Depending on your point of view.

VERY L I T E R A L LY !!!

(thank you my little editor... where would I be w/o you? ... making MORE spelling mistakes probably :D? DefinItely)

It all depends if you're the one being walked in on, or the one doing the walking in on. I was at first tempted to named this post: ' Some guys, A Laughing Lady, a Naked Dude and an Unlocked Toilet.'

The first incident involved a very very stressed out young lady stormin our 'camp side'. She ran all the way to the gents and burst open the door. Lo and behold, there was Vince, naked as the he was on the day he hatched (all evil things come from eggs, look at chickens). She pointed south and began laughing hysterically.

Not to be outdone, I pointed at her face and started laughing even louder. Making baby splashes as I laughed but thats too much detail no? Alas, I stray from the point. Lucky I didn't say the tip. That would bring all sorts of evil imagery. Wouldn't want that now would we?

Any ways, my counter hysteria has its effect on her, as she is quite baffled by the time the guards manage to get hold of her and get her into control. She is dumbfounded. What on earth is he laughing at? My face? My nose? My teeth?

Quite the effect I wanted. Someone with some kinda pseudo authority in the camp then asks:

'Are you okay?'

I reply:

'Yea. Of course I am. Its not a big deal.'
(No... no no no~~~~ THAT particular THAT is a big deal... HONEST!!!!... never mind... .. . . .)

He says:
'Great. You're handling this really well. I thought you'd be freaked out. Is there anything I can get you?'

To which I whisper :

'Yea. A mirror and a tape measure.'

I'll post more about the rest of the 'rest camp' later.