I sense the distance growing
between us between our love
and our pain
your pain carries you away
and I sit and watch
too tired to move along with you
too tired to take away the pain
I see the hurt other people created
and I cannot do anything
but love you and hope
you come to me
and
instead of moving on
drifting away
like a rose petal
in the wind
old poem I wrote
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Wow...
I was just looking at my poem collection... I have 60 pages of poems written... around 30 or 40 poems all together.... pretty amazing... not all of it is good of course... but still thats a lot of angstyness in a document...
also it doesn't include the poems I lost or did not type out.... so I actually had more...
cool huh...
also it doesn't include the poems I lost or did not type out.... so I actually had more...
cool huh...
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Letting go
Its been said that the hardest part of loving some one is letting them go. When I broke up with my 'fiancee' I gave her back every single memory that I had with her. From the AND1 shoes she bought me to the chess set we used to play on every other day. When I broke up with my first love I burned every single thing that reminded me of her. It was a big fire. Or at least I thought I burned everything. I later found little pieces of memories which I treasure now.
I learned my lesson then, I think. Burning or giving them away doesn't take the pain away. At the same time, it did give me a peace of mind. Outta sight outta mind as the saying goes. This time I've kept everything a certain some one gave me. From the love letters she wrote me, the box of memories she gave me, to the ticket stubs of every movie we watched together. I even listen to 'our songs' together some times. I still go through the stuff we call memories some times. Some times it brings a smile to my face, other times an empty space in the heart.
Lets talk about that empty space. Do we really need some one else to be there for that space to be filled? Some one to care for and to love to fill the hole in your heart? Are we as humans forever searching for that partner to fill that empty space in life? To ease the loneliness we feel in this world?
I wonder. Cause at times I feel fine. Things go on as they normally do. I get busy with college work and hanging out with friends. Then there are times, mostly in the quiet of the night when I start thinking about her. Wondering what she is doing. How she is faring. Wondering if she's thinking of me. Just wondering. This is when it strikes the most deeply. The sense of loneliness and emptiness without her.
They say time heals everything. I've forgotten how she looks like. Apart from her smile. But I still remember how she smells and how soft she was to hold. Simple things like that I remember but I forget how she looks. How she talks. I remember how she thinks though weirdly enough. She was a strange little girl.
Time hasn't really healed anything. Made it blurred perhaps. But definitely not healed. If anything did heal me it was writing 'Imagine' (The Ring). A lot of me went into that piece of writing. From the love story, to the broken family, to the loneliness. It was a script I wrote from the heart. Perhaps that is why it is good. I'm not being conceited. Personally I wonder if I'll ever write anything as good as that again.
The healing process is so slow that it feels like its not happening at all. But I'm sure its happening. I hope you read this :)
Thats all for now... enough pensive thinking. Don't wanna fall into a depression. Too much work to be done.
I learned my lesson then, I think. Burning or giving them away doesn't take the pain away. At the same time, it did give me a peace of mind. Outta sight outta mind as the saying goes. This time I've kept everything a certain some one gave me. From the love letters she wrote me, the box of memories she gave me, to the ticket stubs of every movie we watched together. I even listen to 'our songs' together some times. I still go through the stuff we call memories some times. Some times it brings a smile to my face, other times an empty space in the heart.
Lets talk about that empty space. Do we really need some one else to be there for that space to be filled? Some one to care for and to love to fill the hole in your heart? Are we as humans forever searching for that partner to fill that empty space in life? To ease the loneliness we feel in this world?
I wonder. Cause at times I feel fine. Things go on as they normally do. I get busy with college work and hanging out with friends. Then there are times, mostly in the quiet of the night when I start thinking about her. Wondering what she is doing. How she is faring. Wondering if she's thinking of me. Just wondering. This is when it strikes the most deeply. The sense of loneliness and emptiness without her.
They say time heals everything. I've forgotten how she looks like. Apart from her smile. But I still remember how she smells and how soft she was to hold. Simple things like that I remember but I forget how she looks. How she talks. I remember how she thinks though weirdly enough. She was a strange little girl.
Time hasn't really healed anything. Made it blurred perhaps. But definitely not healed. If anything did heal me it was writing 'Imagine' (The Ring). A lot of me went into that piece of writing. From the love story, to the broken family, to the loneliness. It was a script I wrote from the heart. Perhaps that is why it is good. I'm not being conceited. Personally I wonder if I'll ever write anything as good as that again.
The healing process is so slow that it feels like its not happening at all. But I'm sure its happening. I hope you read this :)
Thats all for now... enough pensive thinking. Don't wanna fall into a depression. Too much work to be done.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Procrastination
I'm am super procrastinating over the work that has to be done this week. I have to finish Joe's script by monday... exciting as that sounds... it isn't... Never been into writing thriller/horror scripts... guess this will be my first time... I owe him that much tho... since he's gonna be helping me shoot my final project... I guess its only fair that I write his final project script... hope it will be good tho...
I've been sleeping a lot this past two days... loads and loads... haven't done ANY work whatsoever... and I have a freaking test on Tuesday... mid semester for Pengajian Malaysia... a subject I've paid zero attention to in class so I'll have to study extra hard for it... JOY oh JOY... I can imagine it now... reading about the boring ass history of this rather unhistoric country...
thats me for now...
over and out
I've been sleeping a lot this past two days... loads and loads... haven't done ANY work whatsoever... and I have a freaking test on Tuesday... mid semester for Pengajian Malaysia... a subject I've paid zero attention to in class so I'll have to study extra hard for it... JOY oh JOY... I can imagine it now... reading about the boring ass history of this rather unhistoric country...
thats me for now...
over and out
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Death
Is it a cold touch
Or a warm glow
Does it make you shudder
from head to toe
Is it peaceful
Or a racking pain
Or do you simply give in
to the strain
Does he whisper your name
or simply take you away
Does he listen to what
you might have to say
So speak to me
Mr Death sir
theres so much
that I want to hear
Or a warm glow
Does it make you shudder
from head to toe
Is it peaceful
Or a racking pain
Or do you simply give in
to the strain
Does he whisper your name
or simply take you away
Does he listen to what
you might have to say
So speak to me
Mr Death sir
theres so much
that I want to hear
Chivas and classes
I learned the hard way that Chivas and classes don't mix well. Sorta like vodka and coke. Awful combination. I ended up going to Joe's house that night after all. He msg'ed me around 2am. I got there around 2.15 or so. Pretty fast eh? Well there was drink involved, thus the accelarator pedal was pressed to the maxed. Well the max for my tiny little Kelissa any way. Around 150KMPH I think. Maybe a little less. The whole car was vibrating. Lucky I don't get sea sick easy eh?
So I reach Joe's place. He can't find his shot glass. So we end up using chinese tea cups for shot glasses. Not ideal but just as effective. We finished around a quarter of a bottle pretty fast. And ran out of stuff to drink. We were by the way supposed to be doing work. A condom advertisement. Which we were between drinks. Though I can't for the life of me recall what exactly we did. Any way, we decided to go out and buy more beer. So we went to the local 7 eleven and bought a large bottle each. Hey we were broke.... a large bottle each was all we could afford!
So we went back... drank some more... did a little more work... and before we knew it, it was 5am... or was it later? So we went to sleep. Joe's mom woke us both up around 8.30. After we both took our showers it was 9.00 and we were both officially late for class. So we rushed to class and barely made it before the 15 minutes late mark.
I was still tipsy from what we had drank and the room was spinning. The lecturers voice was ringing in my head like a bad ring tone. Can you imagine SIX hours of this? Finally when all of that was done, I was hoping Joe would go home but he had shooting to do. So me, Shirley and U-Jinn had to WALK to Joe's house, where my car was parked. Took us a good fifteen minutes. Me with my bad ankle and all.
By the time we reached, we were cooked by the sun and my ankle was throbbing so badly I could barely drive. I sent the two of them home and had to stop by the roadside a while to massage my damn ankle because it was so painful.
When I reached home, the first thing I did was take a cold shower then hit the sack. Slept for a good few hours... slept the hangover away and ignored the pain in my ankle.
So like I said... Chivas and classes.... they just don't mix... don't try it
So I reach Joe's place. He can't find his shot glass. So we end up using chinese tea cups for shot glasses. Not ideal but just as effective. We finished around a quarter of a bottle pretty fast. And ran out of stuff to drink. We were by the way supposed to be doing work. A condom advertisement. Which we were between drinks. Though I can't for the life of me recall what exactly we did. Any way, we decided to go out and buy more beer. So we went to the local 7 eleven and bought a large bottle each. Hey we were broke.... a large bottle each was all we could afford!
So we went back... drank some more... did a little more work... and before we knew it, it was 5am... or was it later? So we went to sleep. Joe's mom woke us both up around 8.30. After we both took our showers it was 9.00 and we were both officially late for class. So we rushed to class and barely made it before the 15 minutes late mark.
I was still tipsy from what we had drank and the room was spinning. The lecturers voice was ringing in my head like a bad ring tone. Can you imagine SIX hours of this? Finally when all of that was done, I was hoping Joe would go home but he had shooting to do. So me, Shirley and U-Jinn had to WALK to Joe's house, where my car was parked. Took us a good fifteen minutes. Me with my bad ankle and all.
By the time we reached, we were cooked by the sun and my ankle was throbbing so badly I could barely drive. I sent the two of them home and had to stop by the roadside a while to massage my damn ankle because it was so painful.
When I reached home, the first thing I did was take a cold shower then hit the sack. Slept for a good few hours... slept the hangover away and ignored the pain in my ankle.
So like I said... Chivas and classes.... they just don't mix... don't try it
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Mission accomplished
Wee... I finished
1) Blur Witch Project script
2) Imagine Sypnosis
3) Imagine Script
the Blur Witch Project one was the most difficult to do... so much rewriting and rearranging... such a pain in the ass... the other two were basically minorish mistakes to be corrected and placing it into the right format... took quite a while tho... so I'm currently up to date with all my work when it comes to Field Productions Techniques... Excellent... no?
Am currently awaiting Joe to call... at 1.30 am... his just a few minutes has turned out to be around 45 minutes already... and I'm dying of boredom... supposed to go over to his place for some drinks and to edit the second TVC we are doing for the competition... from the looks of things I'll be sleeping instead... its 1.30 and joe still hasn't called... Kinda lazy to go now... it was 12 when we started planning it... Joe is always such a busy man... haha...
Hmm... today was pretty boring... mostly sitting in front of the pc and doing work... no basketball today due to the stupid ankle... sigh... so I'll just sit and rot at home...
1) Blur Witch Project script
2) Imagine Sypnosis
3) Imagine Script
the Blur Witch Project one was the most difficult to do... so much rewriting and rearranging... such a pain in the ass... the other two were basically minorish mistakes to be corrected and placing it into the right format... took quite a while tho... so I'm currently up to date with all my work when it comes to Field Productions Techniques... Excellent... no?
Am currently awaiting Joe to call... at 1.30 am... his just a few minutes has turned out to be around 45 minutes already... and I'm dying of boredom... supposed to go over to his place for some drinks and to edit the second TVC we are doing for the competition... from the looks of things I'll be sleeping instead... its 1.30 and joe still hasn't called... Kinda lazy to go now... it was 12 when we started planning it... Joe is always such a busy man... haha...
Hmm... today was pretty boring... mostly sitting in front of the pc and doing work... no basketball today due to the stupid ankle... sigh... so I'll just sit and rot at home...
Friday, August 18, 2006
What I miss
Its not easy
to say what I miss
from the moments hope
to the seconds bliss
The warmth of promise
The ease of a smile
Gentle and lingering
for just a while
Linger with me
a little while longer
Linger with me
while I get stronger
Don't turn around
turn your back
Linger with me
till I'm on track
Cause I'm a little lost
Cause I'm a little confused
Feeling a little low
Feeling a little used
Touch away the worries
Kiss away the pain
Ease the doubts
Erase the strain
Linger a while
Just a while
A little longer
Just a while
to say what I miss
from the moments hope
to the seconds bliss
The warmth of promise
The ease of a smile
Gentle and lingering
for just a while
Linger with me
a little while longer
Linger with me
while I get stronger
Don't turn around
turn your back
Linger with me
till I'm on track
Cause I'm a little lost
Cause I'm a little confused
Feeling a little low
Feeling a little used
Touch away the worries
Kiss away the pain
Ease the doubts
Erase the strain
Linger a while
Just a while
A little longer
Just a while
Boredom
My ankle is busted big time... I can barely walk... all because I tried to pull a fancy move during futsal... I was trying to flick it behind my left leg and managed to get my feet tangled up and I fell... XD.... must be the dumbest way ever to sprain your ankle...
thanks to the sprain ankle I've been out of the house ONCE in the past two days... bored out of my mind... not to say I have nothing to do... I have loads of work to just no motivation to do it whatsoever...
thanks to the sprain ankle I've been out of the house ONCE in the past two days... bored out of my mind... not to say I have nothing to do... I have loads of work to just no motivation to do it whatsoever...
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Piggy Cat
I once had a cat
that looked like a pig
some times it even
wore a big black wig
It was ever
so jumpy
with its feet
so stumpy
with a tail that curled
around your leg
with an ego that would
knock yours down a peg
she was big boned
not fat
theres no way
she'll let u call her that
round and round
rounder and rounder
piggy cat
was what we called her
she was PINK
not yellow, not black, not red
call her any other color
and you're DEAD!
dedicated to dear steph :D
that looked like a pig
some times it even
wore a big black wig
It was ever
so jumpy
with its feet
so stumpy
with a tail that curled
around your leg
with an ego that would
knock yours down a peg
she was big boned
not fat
theres no way
she'll let u call her that
round and round
rounder and rounder
piggy cat
was what we called her
she was PINK
not yellow, not black, not red
call her any other color
and you're DEAD!
dedicated to dear steph :D
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Deadlines!
Arghh... deadlines are coming soon and I'm a little stressed out... my first video is due in less than 11 days and I haven't even started shooting it yet... supposed to start tommorow... am worried that I won't be able to complete it on time.... sigh...
also I've got some stupid pengajian malaysia article to do which is due on tuesday... have to go article hunting and write a 250 word review... 250 words... why bother at all? Such a waste of time and effort finding the articles in the first place...
I still have ammendmends for my third and final project, the script and the sypnosis to get done... lots of changes to be made... and I'm just too lazy to get it done... needs to be done by monday... sigh...
Deadline deadline deadlines...
If only I could be bothered...
also I've got some stupid pengajian malaysia article to do which is due on tuesday... have to go article hunting and write a 250 word review... 250 words... why bother at all? Such a waste of time and effort finding the articles in the first place...
I still have ammendmends for my third and final project, the script and the sypnosis to get done... lots of changes to be made... and I'm just too lazy to get it done... needs to be done by monday... sigh...
Deadline deadline deadlines...
If only I could be bothered...
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
If its not broken... Don't fucking fix it...
If it works well... don't fucking try to fix it... all you do is end up making a fucking mess that someone else has to clean up for you... don't try to be clever.... don't try to be smart... if its not broken... theres nothing for you to do... just leave it as it fucking is... that shouldn't be so hard should it?
dear god...
dear god...
Wor Tip Thief!
I love my dog. I honestly do. But at times I'm THIS close to throttling her little throat! A good example would be a few days back. Like I love my dog. I LOVE my wor tip, a chinese fried dumpling. Here's the scenario.... the very LAST wor tip... my mouth is salivating and I'm about to sink my teeth into some beautiful crispy pork when suddenly... I find its disappeared from my hand...
there is a scurry of tiny feet... running for her life... dumpling in her mouth... yes you guessed it... Baby dumplingnapped my LAST dumpling... it was gone in SECONDS!! and I mean SECONDS!
By the time I caught her... it was too late to spank her... yes I took THAT long to catch her... I'm fat and out of shape... she's a lean dumpling snatching machine that runs like lightning... if I spanked her she wouldn't have known what I was spanking her for...
LIFES SUCH A BITCH!
there is a scurry of tiny feet... running for her life... dumpling in her mouth... yes you guessed it... Baby dumplingnapped my LAST dumpling... it was gone in SECONDS!! and I mean SECONDS!
By the time I caught her... it was too late to spank her... yes I took THAT long to catch her... I'm fat and out of shape... she's a lean dumpling snatching machine that runs like lightning... if I spanked her she wouldn't have known what I was spanking her for...
LIFES SUCH A BITCH!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Dear God
Been a while since we talked
Been a while since anything
Have you forgotten me?
Cause I feel the sting.
You're all knowing
You're All seeing
Do you understand
what I'm feeling?
You took away
all that was precious
You thought I'd be fine
That was presumptous
You let my dreams fade
My stars implode
Left me feeling like
my hearts gonna explode
Do you remember ?
Do you remember?
What you promised
promised me in December
You took away
my fresh start
my new beginning
my new heart
Smothered my feelings
left me alone to die
Left me so down
I couldn't even cry
Reeling from all
that you've taken
Reeling and feeling
nothing but broken
So I just wanna ask you
ask you why
Everything falls apart
no matter how I try
Been a while since we talked
Been a while since anything
Have you forgotten me?
Cause I feel the sting.
Been a bad day... just felt a little emo thats all :)
tommorows gonna be a long day too... much much to do... and so little time to do it... I won't let it get me down tho... I've got a goal to achieve... Flat four this semester...
I hope I can do it
Been a while since anything
Have you forgotten me?
Cause I feel the sting.
You're all knowing
You're All seeing
Do you understand
what I'm feeling?
You took away
all that was precious
You thought I'd be fine
That was presumptous
You let my dreams fade
My stars implode
Left me feeling like
my hearts gonna explode
Do you remember ?
Do you remember?
What you promised
promised me in December
You took away
my fresh start
my new beginning
my new heart
Smothered my feelings
left me alone to die
Left me so down
I couldn't even cry
Reeling from all
that you've taken
Reeling and feeling
nothing but broken
So I just wanna ask you
ask you why
Everything falls apart
no matter how I try
Been a while since we talked
Been a while since anything
Have you forgotten me?
Cause I feel the sting.
Been a bad day... just felt a little emo thats all :)
tommorows gonna be a long day too... much much to do... and so little time to do it... I won't let it get me down tho... I've got a goal to achieve... Flat four this semester...
I hope I can do it
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
