I'm a compulsive sentimental. I keep just about everything and anything that reminds me about some one I've had feelings for. Mostly they are old emails. Pictures. Things that I made for them on adobe photoshop. Small things like that.
I've keep some emails for more than 12 years! So that gives you an idea of how attached I am to these little things. Not that I read them often. I read them once in a blue moon when I'm in a mood to take a trip to the past. Ok la! When I'm feeling emo :)
Today. I deleted them all! 300+ emails. From all my accounts. I deleted pictures and the stuff I made too. At first I was a little sad. There was a horrible feeling of emptiness looking at the empty screen and empty folders.
Then, slowly but surely, a feeling of... freedom crept in. I thought about all the relationships that I've been in. So far most of them started out like a script from a blockbuster Hollywood movie. Then ended like a B grade horror movie.
I thought about burning the items that I kept from my past relationships too. Once this was a ritual for me after each break up... I'd burn everything I owned from them, or return them. Then I thought, its not so bad keeping SOME memories... at least I when I tell my children and grand children I had my share of gf's in my youth... there would be proof :)
At the age of 28... I finally cut ties with my past relationships... and I think... I just think... the next one might... yea... might... just work out differently...
Here's to the future... and whatever it may hold. The past is dead. And most importantly... now forgotten. :)
Monday, September 29, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Get well por por
since the time
your ankles were all
that I could see
since the time
I had my first tooth
and tried to nibble on your finger
since the time
you patted me
till i fell asleep on your lap
since the time
you caned me
for jumping on your sofas
since the time
you dabbed dettol
on my grazed elbows
since the time
you scrubbed my knees with soap
only to watch them turn brown again when I straightened them
since the time
you stood protectively in front of me
when dad was hitting me
since the time
you complained
I was way too scrawny
since the time
you forced fed me
fish porridge you had spent hours cooking
since the time
you fell out with mom
and talked with the picture of your late husband for hours
since the time
I first saw you cry
when we went overseas for 4 years
since the time
I broke up with my first serious girlfriend
and you told me it would be alright
since the time
you told me in cantonese and english
'Girls nowadays, no money no fuck!'
Since the time
I earned my first pay cheque
and you were so proud
Since the time
I drove u around
in my first very own car
Since the time
you were so happy I put on some weight
then on closer inspection told me I was getting too fat
Since the time
you'd talk to me for hours and hours
and repeat yourself but I'd never mind
Since the time
you told me
I'm getting old... come see me more often when you have time
Since the time
you asked me to buy you
lou pak siew kai (colonel sanders : kfc) when I visit you
Since the time
we spent together
in the innocence of my infancy
to the decadence of my teens
to the troubled late twenties
Since that time
I have loved you po po
and I always will
and I realised
that I will never truely lose you
since that time
and until the end
you will be close to my heart
your ankles were all
that I could see
since the time
I had my first tooth
and tried to nibble on your finger
since the time
you patted me
till i fell asleep on your lap
since the time
you caned me
for jumping on your sofas
since the time
you dabbed dettol
on my grazed elbows
since the time
you scrubbed my knees with soap
only to watch them turn brown again when I straightened them
since the time
you stood protectively in front of me
when dad was hitting me
since the time
you complained
I was way too scrawny
since the time
you forced fed me
fish porridge you had spent hours cooking
since the time
you fell out with mom
and talked with the picture of your late husband for hours
since the time
I first saw you cry
when we went overseas for 4 years
since the time
I broke up with my first serious girlfriend
and you told me it would be alright
since the time
you told me in cantonese and english
'Girls nowadays, no money no fuck!'
Since the time
I earned my first pay cheque
and you were so proud
Since the time
I drove u around
in my first very own car
Since the time
you were so happy I put on some weight
then on closer inspection told me I was getting too fat
Since the time
you'd talk to me for hours and hours
and repeat yourself but I'd never mind
Since the time
you told me
I'm getting old... come see me more often when you have time
Since the time
you asked me to buy you
lou pak siew kai (colonel sanders : kfc) when I visit you
Since the time
we spent together
in the innocence of my infancy
to the decadence of my teens
to the troubled late twenties
Since that time
I have loved you po po
and I always will
and I realised
that I will never truely lose you
since that time
and until the end
you will be close to my heart
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The fake Malaysia by Gen Wong :)
Written by one of my favorite people in the world :)
Its a pretty good piece if you ask me :p
Is where I wake up in the morning and go to work and sweat it out at the gym and party and sleep at night. It’s where I can get my tall skinny hazelnut latte to go between the waking up and getting to work bits, usually after I’ve parked my Japanese-brand car under the tree in the carpark next to the ultra-plush, Skybar-housing hotel.
It’s where I hang out on the weekend, browsing the shelves of Borders for American Glamour, seeing the latest blockbuster (usually American, too) and maybe do some grocery shopping, checking off my list as I go – Waitrose Columbian ground coffee, bacon rashers, Jif peanut butter, Gardenia bread, McVities Digestives… (see the trend…?)
It’s where I have pork knuckle for dinner with a bunch of friends and we reminisce about those mad/crazy uni days in London/Nottingham/Melbourne/Boulder and all around us in the restaurant I hear funnily-accented English from people who look exactly like I do (i.e. Chinese) and I never have to use the national language.
Sometimes, it’s where I have a brush with the real Malaysia.
Like when the movie I see on the weekend is half-an-hour shorter than I swore it should be. It’s where I have to uncomfortably stammer my way through a conversation (which usually takes place over a counter) to renew my driving license, buy stamps, try to find out why my TM landline’s been suddenly cut off.
It’s where people who criticise our government are labelled ‘seditious’ and ‘a threat to national security’ and inexplicably find themselves (himself?) in Kamunting. Like, where the HELL is Kamunting??
It’s where the price of petrol yo-yos faster than we can say, ‘wonder what the government’s up to now…?’ in an OIL-PRODUCING country and cigarettes are damn cheap (I mean, what’s up with that??!!)
It’s where I don’t feel safe to walk around at night in the streets 2 minutes from my apartment complex ‘cos the police can’t be trusted to do their job. For that matter, neither can our fire department or our judges or our public school teachers or our government doctors and nurses… (I really could go on...)
It’s where I am treated as a second-class citizen, because my parents are not Malay and I don’t want any children I may have to grow up – better to grow up in a different country and be given more rights than you would have had in your OWN. Thank goodness I live in the fake one...
Its a pretty good piece if you ask me :p
Is where I wake up in the morning and go to work and sweat it out at the gym and party and sleep at night. It’s where I can get my tall skinny hazelnut latte to go between the waking up and getting to work bits, usually after I’ve parked my Japanese-brand car under the tree in the carpark next to the ultra-plush, Skybar-housing hotel.
It’s where I hang out on the weekend, browsing the shelves of Borders for American Glamour, seeing the latest blockbuster (usually American, too) and maybe do some grocery shopping, checking off my list as I go – Waitrose Columbian ground coffee, bacon rashers, Jif peanut butter, Gardenia bread, McVities Digestives… (see the trend…?)
It’s where I have pork knuckle for dinner with a bunch of friends and we reminisce about those mad/crazy uni days in London/Nottingham/Melbourne/Boulder and all around us in the restaurant I hear funnily-accented English from people who look exactly like I do (i.e. Chinese) and I never have to use the national language.
Sometimes, it’s where I have a brush with the real Malaysia.
Like when the movie I see on the weekend is half-an-hour shorter than I swore it should be. It’s where I have to uncomfortably stammer my way through a conversation (which usually takes place over a counter) to renew my driving license, buy stamps, try to find out why my TM landline’s been suddenly cut off.
It’s where people who criticise our government are labelled ‘seditious’ and ‘a threat to national security’ and inexplicably find themselves (himself?) in Kamunting. Like, where the HELL is Kamunting??
It’s where the price of petrol yo-yos faster than we can say, ‘wonder what the government’s up to now…?’ in an OIL-PRODUCING country and cigarettes are damn cheap (I mean, what’s up with that??!!)
It’s where I don’t feel safe to walk around at night in the streets 2 minutes from my apartment complex ‘cos the police can’t be trusted to do their job. For that matter, neither can our fire department or our judges or our public school teachers or our government doctors and nurses… (I really could go on...)
It’s where I am treated as a second-class citizen, because my parents are not Malay and I don’t want any children I may have to grow up – better to grow up in a different country and be given more rights than you would have had in your OWN. Thank goodness I live in the fake one...
Monday, September 22, 2008
I xxxx'ed a girl!
I was listening to RED FM today whilst on the way to get my bro some KFC. They played 'I kissed a girl'; the censored version!
It was hilarious okay!
They censored most of the word 'kissed' so it sounded like this : 'I xxxx'ed a girl.. and I liked it!'
Well who wouldn't xxxx a girl and like it la!
The stupid censorship made the song sound even more sexually provocative than it already did. Not an easy task to accomplish let me tell you that!
As l listened more on, I realised that they left the 'keh' sound uncensored.
So instead of a sexually charged song... it was a song where u could charge the singer with battery. Cause it sounded like 'I keh'ed a girl' as in 'I kicked a girl'.
So lets get this straight you censorship people! A girl kissing another girl is wrong... but physically abusing another girl with kicks is better?
Malaysia... Malaysia... *shakes head*
It was hilarious okay!
They censored most of the word 'kissed' so it sounded like this : 'I xxxx'ed a girl.. and I liked it!'
Well who wouldn't xxxx a girl and like it la!
The stupid censorship made the song sound even more sexually provocative than it already did. Not an easy task to accomplish let me tell you that!
As l listened more on, I realised that they left the 'keh' sound uncensored.
So instead of a sexually charged song... it was a song where u could charge the singer with battery. Cause it sounded like 'I keh'ed a girl' as in 'I kicked a girl'.
So lets get this straight you censorship people! A girl kissing another girl is wrong... but physically abusing another girl with kicks is better?
Malaysia... Malaysia... *shakes head*
More words of wisdom from JH
Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - said:
siann!!
Venom says:
go perform harakiri =P
Venom says:
it will help u to burn time for a while =)
Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
o__O
Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
i perform on u can ah
Venom says:
cannot..can only be perform on self
Venom says:
performing harakiri on urself is call harakiri..but performing harakiri on others is call murder liao different
Venom says:
haha
Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
LOL
siann!!
Venom says:
go perform harakiri =P
Venom says:
it will help u to burn time for a while =)
Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
o__O
Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
i perform on u can ah
Venom says:
cannot..can only be perform on self
Venom says:
performing harakiri on urself is call harakiri..but performing harakiri on others is call murder liao different
Venom says:
haha
Vince - Pixieeee is the cutenesssssss - reading - says:
LOL
Friday, September 19, 2008
rambling with JH ^__^
Venom says:
malay way of conning people damn fail wan
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
lol
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
if they were better at it
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
the indians wud be fucked la
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
dah la kena con by chinese
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
now malays too??
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
HAI LAT WEI!
and yes! I am racist!er I mean... NO! I'm NOT RACIST!
malay way of conning people damn fail wan
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
lol
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
if they were better at it
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
the indians wud be fucked la
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
dah la kena con by chinese
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
now malays too??
Vince - Everyday I love u less and less ^___^ says:
HAI LAT WEI!
and yes! I am racist!er I mean... NO! I'm NOT RACIST!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
10cc - I'm Not in Love
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..
I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..
I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love
I'm not in love
heh... more emo music... but this song really fits the mood I'm in right now :)
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